The Grown Up Marriage
Learning to grow and mature together can be a key to marital success.
Ted Cunningham
Sep 17, 2017 35m
Pastor Ted Cunningham explores the first marriage between Adam and Eve. He delves into how marriage was intended to be for a life time. That in today's society we have made parenting choices that lead to children's progression into mature adulthood be delayed. Which in turn has made people less likely to enter into a marriage with the intention of maturing together and staying together. Which leads to lower rates of marital success. Video recorded at Chandler, Arizona.
TranscriptionmessageRegarding Grammar:
This is a transcription of the sermon. People speak differently than they write, and there are common colloquialisms in this transcript that sound good when spoken, and look like bad grammar when written.
This is a transcription of the sermon. People speak differently than they write, and there are common colloquialisms in this transcript that sound good when spoken, and look like bad grammar when written.
Ptr Cunningham: 00:00 Good morning Cornerstone,
Ptr Cunningham: 00:02 All right love this church. Welcome to Scottsdale and San Tan, The Venue, 5 p.m. grateful to have you, and all those watching on live stream.
Ptr Cunningham: 00:13 I'm looking forward to Thursday night date night coming. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to teach on communication. It's like the most requested session couples have because every spouse wants their spouse to help them win every argument. And I always when I work with couples, if I do counseling, I always like to watch them walk in and see if they're both on the same team or they're wearing opposite jerseys. Because what happens in communication is we get on opposite ends of the field, and we come at the issue or the topic or whatever we're discussing rather than charging the field together as teammates were opponents. And all morning I've been watching these two Dallas Cowboy fans sitting on the front row. Stand up and salute your team with joy. They're technically wearing the same jersey ones home, ones away. But the good news is the Cowboys are undefeated this season. We've only had one game, but good for you. Congratulations, I'm sure it will be a trend that goes the whole way, but when I saw you I had to ask my buddy what jersey is that? And then I saw your star, but your teammates and that's your teammate? Okay, so you don't need to come Thursday night, you stay home.
Ptr Cunningham: 01:22 But the rest of you, if you want your spouse to help you win every argument, if you want to learn how to communicate with what we call the six levels of communication, we'll cover that Thursday night at date night comedy, and we're looking forward to it. Today I want to talk to you about maturity and marriage, as we talk about marriage. For those who are single this can be preparing you for marriage, but even more than just preparing you for marriage it can help you be an advocate for all of the marriages around you. So if you would listen with the ears, how can I help those of my friends and family who are married? For those of you who are dating, engaged it's like premarital time, for those of you who have been married for some time this can be a refresher. Some of you may even be together, maybe even living together, and you're deciding whether or not you should get married.
Ptr Cunningham: 02:14 We just want to start back today with God's original design and plan for marriage, and how it works. And so I am going to encourage you to turn to Genesis chapter 2, and in Genesis 2 we're going to look at the beginning where it all started. And what I love about this your bible may have in Verse 24 of Chapter 2, a therefore. It may say for this reason I love the therefore in scripture because therefore is right in the middle of, we just shared with you deep theology or an understanding on whatever the subject is being discussed, therefore this is how you live. After the Therefore is always the application. And so I have in our home something called therefore parenting. And I always love to remind my kids when I have to ask them to do something, I always start with how much does your dad love you? And I want them to go you love us Dad. No, no, no, show me with your arms how much do I love you. You love us this much. No,no, no, this can't even express how much I love you. If we're walking down the street and the car jumps the curb and it's coming at us what am I going to do? Dad you've told us you're going to pick us up, you're going to throw us out of the way, and you're going to take the hit for us. I said that's right, that's how much your dad loves you. Therefore, go clean your room. Therefore, mom dad whatever you want it to be, therefore.
Ptr Cunningham: 03:37 So today as we look at the surgery, and the first surgery, and God as the surgeon and as he puts marriage together we're going to get a therefore and that's what we want to focus on today. The for this reason this now is how you and I live out marriage in our lives. So we'll pick up in Genesis chapter 2. This is after all the beast of the field and the birds of the air have been brought before Adam for him to name. And we'll pick it up in verse 20. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. The idea there behind helper his companion there was no companion suitable for him. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep, and while he was sleeping he took one of man's ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. And some theologians believe this was the rib that God gave man to have for mind reading and once it was gone, we're not able to do that anymore ladies, we can't, we can't do that. Verse 22. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of man and he brought her to the man. And the man Adam said, "This now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh, she shall be called woman for she was taken out of man." It's very important to understand there, we sometimes breezed through that part of it just with the idea of creation and where a woman came from, but understanding this is very important to understanding that therefore or what we're supposed to do with it. Because Martin Luther taught, and I love his idea behind this, he says, "God could have taken a bone out of Adam's foot to make woman" thus implying that man would rule over women. I see some women going he didn't do that. He could have, this again this is Martin Luther saying what he could have, "He could have taken a bone from man's head.", thus implying women would rule over men. Oh, now you like that don't ya, you like that. But no, I love this imagery, no instead he took the rib out of the side of Adam and the idea here is that they come alongside each other. And the teaching behind this is equality and mutual respect for one another. That male not inferior or superior to female and so this idea is this is how it works. And God is the one who made this happen, and brought the woman to the man and we have the first marriage. And in Genesis 2:24 we get the therefore, or for this reason, a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife and they become one flesh. Let's break that down, and I love this because the for this reason, because of how God designed it. A man leaves the site of his parents. He has to leave the side of his parents physically, emotionally, relationally, and if necessary geographically.
Ptr Cunningham: 06:45 Some of you here in Phoenix you moved a thousand miles away from your parents and it made your marriage better, and that's OK. Now this is not speaking that you alienate yourself from extended family because the word leaves here actually means to forsake. To forsake, some of you have a struggle with a mother in-law or a father in-law right now. And the struggle in your marriage is real because this disconnection, the walking alongside a parent, hasn't ended emotionally, relationally, spiritually. But for cleaving to work for two to become one is God designed it. You have to leave the side of your parents, and you have to join the side of your spouse in exclusivity. The idea here is you leave your parents and you join for a lifetime. I have a 12 and a 14 year old. I'm moving into the teenage years, and can I get we'll pray for you Ted? Let me just get one of those we'll pray for you Ted. Let me just encourage you, a friend of mine Dan Seabourn says this, "just understand this at some point. Every teenager's brain will fall out. Mine did, yours did you as a parent just have to pray that one day that brain will find its way back in." And anybody here with toddlers you have infants or toddlers, let me see infants and toddlers, let me just encourage you at this it's the most control you'll ever have. Because with every day, with every week, with every month, with every year of your child's life you are losing control and all the parents said.
Congregation: 06:45 Amen.
Ptr Cunningham: 08:13 But hopefully, we're here to encourage you some of you are like this is terrible so far, I ain't encouraged at all. Linn always encourages us, this guy's just down to reality right there. Hopefully you're replacing that control with influence, that's my desire with a 12 and 14 year old right now. As mentor and influencer I'm walking alongside my teenagers. Like walking alongside them watching them make good decisions, struggle with other decisions, but at some point I'm going to I'm going to walk them down the aisle. And they're going to leave my side to join the spouse and to cleave.
Ptr Cunningham: 08:53 So the question for us becomes maturity around all of this. It says a man will leave his father and mother another role of parenting is to make sure our children leave home as adults, not on a journey to become one. Doesn't say a child leaves mom and dad, doesn't say an adolescent leaves mom and dad, it says a man. It's my job as a parent as I walk alongside my kids to make sure they're ready for this departure and they're ready for this cleaving to another. And not leaving that up to the workplace, not leaving that up to the college, not leaving that up to marriage. I want to begin speaking into and sharing constantly with my kids this idea of maturity because there's a difference between childhood and adulthood.
Ptr Cunningham: 09:35 Historically, biblically there's only two seasons of life, you will not find adolescence in the Scripture, you'll find childhood and adulthood and there's a big difference between the two. (First Corinthians 13:11) puts it this way, "When I was a child I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.". I went from being a boy to being a man from being a girl to being a woman. And this maturity in life is this idea of a man leaves his father and mother and he's going to go from childhood to adulthood. And now children speak and think differently than adults. Children like to think in and speak in me and I and what I want. But when you become an adult, and for those parents in the room you know this right, that you have to you have to start using words like we, words like us. And I was trying to teach this to my kids one time, and I told Amy I said let's have a good lesson today as we go into Walmart and she goes what? I go just follow, follow me whatever I do. We walked back to the back technology section with all the big plasma's on the wall. Our kids were very young, and I go hey Amy and I look like one of the big 60 inch TVs I go Hey babe I want one. She goes well we can't afford it. And then I said this, but I want one. My kids kind of pause like what is going on? Amy and I get in a fight, it's all a pretend fight, but I'm claiming I want one. She says, "Ted you cannot have the TV". I went humph, and I just sat there. I'll never forget Carson coming over to me and looking over me like this, what are you doing? This is really odd, this is strange.
Ptr Cunningham: 11:25 How many of you had parents that would step over you and say meet me on aisle 8 whenever you get done with whatever that is? But now as parents we get them to beg. See children and adults they think and they reason different. We reason different right because children are in the now. This is what I want to have happen right now, and children don't think about later. But adults have to think about later. We're constantly thinking about later. You're not going to pick up any of your children from children's ministry today and have a 6 year old on the ride home go what are we doing today? You give a list of everything you're doing late afternoon in the evening and your 6 year old goes Mom do you think it would be wise if I take a nap before we do all that? They're not thinking about what they have coming up and I should probably think about that right now, but raise your hand if while in here in the last 30 minutes you've thought about taking a nap this afternoon would you raise your hand. Look it, it's everybody around your whole days revolving around that nap. You're conserving your energy. But that's, see adults have to say you, we, us, later. We've got to have a completely different frame of mind.
Ptr Cunningham: 12:34 We went this spring. We were in Copenhagen Denmark. We went into an Irish Pub and for lunch and I was hungry and I said oh look at that an Irish pub in the middle of the day and Ancestry.com tells me I'm sixteen point seven percent Irish so I just I feel drawn to it, no I don't I just made that up, but so did they. Spit in a tube all you want they just make up numbers and put it on a piece paper. Oh hey I worked for Ancestry.com okay so let's keep moving. We go in there, there's only one lady in the place an Irish lady and she's been in there a while if know what I mean. And we sit down as a family and we're talking about the trip we've been on and it's at the end of our trip so we're debriefing it and having a great time laughing as a family getting ready to order. She comes walking over to our table puts her arms around Amy and I and she says I've been listening to your family. Now my accent goes from Ireland to Scotland to Australia, just stick with me in the whole thing because you're going to hear Mel Gibson in here somewhere. I don't know exactly where it's going to be. And she said "I like what I'm hearing". She goes you've got a good family. I wish I could, I wish, but I can't, but Cornerstone is one of those churches I know that would let me to make the point that I can't like use the language she really used in this conversation. But she loved the F word, like it was major and I would never do that , but she loved the F word. So I'm going to bleep out her conversation as we go through it.
Ptr Cunningham: 14:15 She goes "Do you two have a good marriage?" I said well I think so yeah I'd say so. She goes and she looks over at my kids 12 and 14 they're sitting across the table and she looks at me she's kind of not mean but she goes, "You see those two little bleepers right there?" My kids are like what? They've never been called that, right, they're not cowboys fans. Hey. Welcome to Cornerstone. You got admit that was a good callback anyway. All right. There was not a better team to pick on and you sat right there. The Lord brought you to those seats this morning I can tell you that right now. You don't talk back, it's my time to talk. The kids are like wow! She goes, and this I'm not making up, she goes "those two little bleepers they're going to leave you one day, and what are you going to do?" I said I don't know what are we going to do. And she says this "You look at those two little bleepers and you simply say bleep off." That's terrible parenting advice. She leaves and I'm like with my kids you guys alright, are you okay? Wow that was a lot of f bombs dropped right there was a lot going on. She comes walking back over. I can't make this stuff up she comes walking back over holding four Corona beers, and this guy's like honey what's a Corona, lime wedges and all. And she leans down in between Amy and I and she goes "Can I buy your family a beer?" I'm going to tell you the same thing I told her oh ma'am I don't drink beer and neither does my 12 year old.
Ptr Cunningham: 16:10 She goes walking back over to her table which is I think the answer she was looking for. She sets them down and she comes walking back over and as she's walking back over. I look at my wife and I go this is of the Lord. And I'll tell you the problem with Christians today, Christians today don't spend enough time in bars. Because she was dropping F bombs. We were just about to drop the Jesus bomb. And I said mam tell me your story and I'm she was talking a hundred miles an hour. She just lost her mom, she lost her marriage, she divorced her husband, left the business of over 30 years. Kids weren't talking to her. She lost it all. And maybe that's where some of you are at this morning. I mean you've just lost it all and it starts with your family. You lost your marriage. Your kids aren't talking to you. And I so get this pain is real and she's trying to, she was trying to protect Amy and I and our marriage and then she turned to Amy and started saying what are you going do if he leaves you. And my wife had the words she said you know there's a lot of ways you can leave a spouse. And a lot of one of the ways we rarely talk about is that you can leave a spouse in death. I go if we stay together till one of us lays the other in the arms of Jesus or till the Lord returns one of us will go before the other. And then Amy said, but here's the good news he's not my source of life. And I said she's not my source of life. I love this woman but I'm able to love her with someone unlimited supply of love that I'm able to give. And we share the gospel with her.
Ptr Cunningham: 17:49 And then I said where do your journeys take you next? And she goes I'm going to Amsterdam. I said I have friends in Amsterdam will you look him up. She goes sure and I took her journal out. I don't know if she'd remember it. I took it out. I wrote down Hillsong, Amsterdam and then I wrote down Linn's phone number and I wanted her to get help. And I just, but I'm writing all this down and she sees me write down and she says "What is it a chuch?" I said it is a church. She goes "Are they Lutheran?" I said no ma'am they're not Lutheran. She goes "Are they Catholic?" Said no ma'am they're not Catholic. I said you're really only going to hear one name mentioned at this church and it is the name of Jesus. I said Ma'am I'm sorry for the loss of your mom and I'm sorry for the loss of your marriage and the loss of your business. But I want to tell you all those they're not your source of life. Jesus is your source of life. And I pray that you will give your life to him and my daughter standing there the whole time. And it was at this moment she stopped dropping the f bomb. She grabbed my hand and kissed it. I don't typically let women kiss me.
Ptr Cunningham: 18:52 But it's it's this idea we've we've fallen so much into marriage and family, with my children are my source of life, my spouse is my source of life. But what we're seeing today is the creator over your marriage, the creator over your family, your children are supposed to leave according to (Genesis 2:24) the bond between a husband and a wife is supposed to be stronger than the bond between a parent and a child. You want your kids to go. You want them to leave. You want them to begin their own life, and when they're your source of life that's very painful but when Jesus is your source of life you can let them leave because the scripture goes on to say what "the two become one." Jesus comes in, in (Matthew 19) we read this and he uses (Genesis 2) And by the way Jesus was there at the first wedding, okay, the one where He turned water into wine was not his first. The first one he was there in creation. Let us make male and female in our image. So Jesus is now going to draw from the teaching we just saw in Genesis 2 he says "when someone gets married there are no longer two but one." Therefore this is so important for us to remember about marriage, therefore what God has joined together please don't forget when you stand before God and gathered witnesses, this is something God is doing. He is bringing husband and wife together. You remember years ago this was taken very seriously, but it's almost a punchline now in movies in other words it's become cliche. But before they went into the vows of the ceremony the pastor or the priest would say if there is anyone here who objects to these two becoming one. Speak now or.
Congregation: 18:52 Forever hold your peace.
Ptr Cunningham: 20:44 Well you got that. We laugh at that in movie's now because they make it crazy about someone running down the aisle or last minute. I want to marry her right and all that. The idea was what we're about to enter into this. Husband and wife taking their vows on, and coming together as one. This is something God is doing, joined together by God. Speak now, because if you don't speak before we do this, forever hold your peace. Because like it says"What God has joined together let no man separate."
Ptr Cunningham: 21:18 God is for the exclusivity of marriage. God is for one man, one woman, for one lifetime. If you're in your second or third or fourth or fifth marriage can I encourage you to be able to look at your spouse today. And say "Listen we're in this until either one of us lays the other in the arms of Jesus death. Or the Lord returns." Follow that up with a "Got it, this is how it's going to work." If you're single see these trends as maybe just ask the Holy Spirit to call you by name. If I say something that frustrate you don't take it to me first, take it you and the Lord do business with this.
Ptr Cunningham: 22:07 But I want to share with you seven. Marriage and Family trends.
Ptr Cunningham: 22:11 I used to call them a tax and then from feedback and all that people said that's a little strong. And so I call them trends. Seven marriage and family trends that are coming against the exclusivity of marriage are coming against what God joins together in marriage between a husband and a wife for a lifetime. The first one, and anybody here have a fear of public speaking, let me see your hands let me just see your hands. I have a fear of public spelling. That's worse than the fear of public speaking. But we're going old school. So for my young friends this is paper it's just paper, just paper nothing's going to float off here in front of you and smoke or any of that just all going to be right here and so I get really intimidated by this.
Ptr Cunningham: 22:53 But the first trend I talked about this last time I was here in May is the kid centered home. It started around the 1980's with parents who were raised in homes. This would be me I was raised in the 80's. It was a great decade. We can talk about that some other time. But I was I was raised by parents OK. And those parents heard children should be seen and not.
Congregation: 22:53 Heard
Ptr Cunningham: 23:22 So in the 80s we switched all of that up. From the boomers to the Xer's we started becoming a more nurturing home, and we started to say you know what our parents were kind of out of sight out of mind with us and we were just kind of there. But now it is all about them their sports, their activities, their their school whatever we're just all about them and we're going to put the marriage back here for a little while. The kids centered home led to what we call, prolonged there we go I am already getting nervous about spelling, prolonged adolescence. I get through this word, I can do the rest of the words. I define prolonged adolescence as too much privilege not enough responsibility. And it flows right out of the kid centered home. We're not prepared when we leave home. Again a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife not a child not an adolescent. We created the term adolescent in 1804, the gap between childhood and adulthood. I don't argue against that too much. With everything I've got, as parents we have got to start encouraging our young people to make adult decisions at an early age at 12 and 14. I'll be back at the book table after this and my son's back there running it. I want him to make adult decisions and interact with people like adults. And we still do this right? It's still the job of parents, when you talk to a waiter drop your technology, look them in the eyes say yes, say thank you ,say please, no ma'am, yes sir. That's part of eradicating prolonged adolescence.
Ptr Cunningham: 24:48 Then the third trend is delayed marriage. For men first marriage is going to be around age 29 and for women it's 27 it's still creeping up but the message of the church has always been the same. The message of scripture don't have sex, get married and enjoy your spouse and keep the marriage bed pure. This has always been the message, but because of where culture has been taking us, now what we're saying is we'll just go ahead and have sex and delay marriage. Church needs to get back, the body of Christ needs to get back to not just promoting, okay not just promoting marriage with a wedding. But promoting it by challenging our young people marriage is a good thing. You don't have to be scared of it. You can leave mom and dad and the comforts they provided you and the security they provided you and you can go out on your own and start life. You can begin marriage, you can begin family. Delayed marriage led to what Scott Stanley calls sliding versus deciding. We believe, deciding, we believe decisions have power. It's why as kids I would sing as a small child almost every Sunday in Sunday school I have decided to follow Jesus, and we were in the Lord's Army in memory of him. We made the decision. Decisions have power.
Ptr Cunningham: 26:17 I love watching Secret Service movies, movies about the president. When you know a missile's coming at the air force one, and a fighter jet comes in and takes the hit and sacrifices their life for the president. You know why they're able to do that? They didn't make a decision at that moment what to do. The decision to do that was long ago that when they're in the situation they know the decision that they've made, and they're just acting upon a decision. Decisions have power and in relationship formation we need to get back to teaching young people it's okay to make decisions.
Ptr Cunningham: 26:51 Right, I ask young people at our church all the time "So oh is this your boyfriend?"
Ptr Cunningham: 26:58 "Well I don't know. I wouldn't call him that."
Ptr Cunningham: 27:01 "Well are you together."
Ptr Cunningham: 27:03 "That's. That's a strong word."
Ptr Cunningham: 27:07 And I know words have changed and I tell her, I'm in Branson with a lot of senior adults, and um I've had to tell her senior adult, thongs are no longer sandals you put on your feet. You got to quit using the term thongs. Because we have an 80 year old lady in our church that texted me one time "Hey, you want to hook up for lunch." No, no, hook up with your pastor, no nope it has a different meaning. So I know terms change and meanings of words change. But just you say I'm not going to make a decision, because if I make a decision then whenever, whatever this is falls apart, I won't hurt so bad. So the sliding has become a coping mechanism.
Ptr Cunningham: 27:50 The the fifth trend we call the starter marriage. It's kind of new, and I always question whether or not I should put it in these trends. But man, I think it's a start, see I didn't finish it with the starter marriage. If it's not actually happening it's still in the mind. It's my cousin Greg who is a year older than me never been married he said "I'm not walking down the aisle till I can answer one question." I said "What's that." He said "Am I willing to spend the next six to eight years of my life with this woman." I'm like "I love you cuz, but that ain't how this thing works."
Ptr Cunningham: 28:26 The starter marriage and then that leads to dating while divorcing. You've seen this, this is a big one on social media. You know the paperwork hasn't even been filed yet and they're posting a new picture with a boyfriend or girlfriend. And I always share, and this again comes from the heart of a pastor who loves you, please don't ask family and friends to celebrate a new relationship when they're still mourning the death of the last one. We've got to remember divorce is a death and people need time to process that. And you're like you're the most depressing speaker we've had in a long time with all these trends. And just that just when you thought grandmas and grandpas marriage was safe. It is not.
Ptr Cunningham: 29:06 That's the last trend. We call it greying divorce and 50 years ago the divorce rate in this country for those over the age of 50 was 2.8 percent. In 1990, it jumped up to 10 percent. And right now, it's almost at 30 percent, with 28 percent of those over the age of 50 walking away from marriages 30 and 50 years. When the scripture, the scripture says this in (Hebrews 13:4) "Marriage should be honored by all." So whether you're single or married, young or old, every single person in here. If you claim the name of Jesus, every single person in here single married, young or old you are called to esteem marriage as highly valuable.
Ptr Cunningham: 29:46 We've got to get back, it's the way we come against these trends by saying marriage is a good thing. We don't need to be scared of it, we need to see it as God designed it. A man leaving his father and mother and uniting to his wife. Leaving the side of parents and clinging and cleaving to the spouse, and the marriage bed kept pure. So I'm going to ask you a couple of questions and you can answer me here and across all the campuses. Scottsdale I want to see it, San Tan I want to see it, venue 5 let's see it. I'm going to ask this and you just raise your hand. You say we were mature when we married. Would you raise your hand. Okay, all right, I like that. I love the deliberation.
Ptr Cunningham: 29:46 "I don't know."
Ptr Cunningham: 30:31 "What do you think. I don't know."
Ptr Cunningham: 30:32 Well there's more questions. Hold on. Because I know this gets confusing. How about this? We were immature when we married, but grew up together. Would you raise your hand. Look at all of them now. I think we got to get back to explaining this to young people. You can mature in marriage. Not just leading up to it, okay?
Ptr Cunningham: 30:50 Do not raise your hand on this next question. Okay, you keep your hands down. We were immature when we married. I grew up and my spouse did not. Okay? Put your hand down! We were immature when we married my spouse grew up and I did not. Does anybody care to share on that? Thank you. I'm proud of you to be able to say that. Because that's a struggling marriage. She's maturing at a rate faster than me. He's maturing at a rate faster than me. Would anybody admit we were immature when we married, and we still are? I love this church. They're going hey we are so jacked up I don't care what any of you think about our marriage.
Ptr Cunningham: 31:45 My wife's, and I just share this quickly, my wife's grandfather before he went to be with the Lord he was married for 65 years and at his funeral I shared (Ecclesiastes 7:1-2) That says "A good name is better than fine perfume and the day of death is better than the day of birth. For it is better to go to a house of mourning than to a house of feasting for death is the destiny of every man." And the living should take this to heart and really a funeral is taking to heart the death of a loved one. I'll never forget his funeral taking to heart the death of Lloyd Fretag meant we celebrated the fact that when he was just a boy he traveled halfway across the globe for us to literally save the world for us in World War II in the Navy. He came back he met a fiery redhead named Lorraine, invited her on a date Saturday night it went so well invited her out the next Saturday night, and on that second date he proposed marriage and she said "Sure." And a few weeks later they were married. And they celebrated 65 years of marriage. They had a great marriage. He worked 42 years in a meat packing plant and when he went to be with the Lord and I said you know a funeral supposed to teach us, a funeral is supposed to change us. And that's why it's better to go to a funeral than a party. The scripture says because at the funeral you ask all the right questions.
Ptr Cunningham: 32:55 You know I've been to the funeral of a child who died because of SIDS. And I sit there and I ask the right question and I think this is ridiculous, these parents have just lost their child, and yesterday I was complaining to my children for making a mess in the bathtub. That's what a funeral should get you contemplating. And sitting at a funeral, at that funeral, I said "When I get home tonight I'm going to teach my kids how to use the toilet as a diving board into the bathtub." A funeral should change you and as I looked around at our family and friends gathered at Lloyd's funeral I said we need to be asking all the right questions are we living like he lived? Loved his Lord, loved his wife, loved his family. I said we've got to make some good decisions. They grew up together they grew up through very difficult times together but we can do this. We can do this, we were all a mess after the funeral and I'll never forget Uncle Wayne walking up to me and going "Ted would you promise me that you'll preach a funeral good for me when I die?" And I looked right at him and I said "You got some work to do." Raise your hand if you agree we all do. We've all got some work to do.
Ptr Cunningham: 34:05 Let's pray.
Ptr Cunningham: 34:08 Father, I pray for the one right now that the Holy Spirit is calling by name to say hey here's some next steps you can take. We can teach skill, we can teach knowledge. But it's that willpower that desire to change that only you can give. So for the struggle that's real and so many marriages right now. And for engaged couples, dating couples, where one really wants to get married and the other says no, and there's something holding them back. I pray that today can be a conversation starter for them. Like what's holding you back. That if there are areas where we need to grow and responsibility we can take that step. Unashamed, grateful for this church where we have the freedom not just to have fun, but to be able to raise our hand on some tough questions. We all have work to do.
Ptr Cunningham: 34:57 May we all come into our marriage thinking, and speaking, and reasoning like adults. With us, and we, and you language.
Ptr Cunningham: 35:12 We're grateful for what you're doing in this church, continue to use Cornerstone throughout all of Phoenix to reach those who are far from you. And it's in the name of Jesus that everyone agreed and said I look forward to seeing you Thursday night.
Recorded in Chandler, Arizona.
Ptr Cunningham: 00:02 All right love this church. Welcome to Scottsdale and San Tan, The Venue, 5 p.m. grateful to have you, and all those watching on live stream.
Ptr Cunningham: 00:13 I'm looking forward to Thursday night date night coming. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to teach on communication. It's like the most requested session couples have because every spouse wants their spouse to help them win every argument. And I always when I work with couples, if I do counseling, I always like to watch them walk in and see if they're both on the same team or they're wearing opposite jerseys. Because what happens in communication is we get on opposite ends of the field, and we come at the issue or the topic or whatever we're discussing rather than charging the field together as teammates were opponents. And all morning I've been watching these two Dallas Cowboy fans sitting on the front row. Stand up and salute your team with joy. They're technically wearing the same jersey ones home, ones away. But the good news is the Cowboys are undefeated this season. We've only had one game, but good for you. Congratulations, I'm sure it will be a trend that goes the whole way, but when I saw you I had to ask my buddy what jersey is that? And then I saw your star, but your teammates and that's your teammate? Okay, so you don't need to come Thursday night, you stay home.
Ptr Cunningham: 01:22 But the rest of you, if you want your spouse to help you win every argument, if you want to learn how to communicate with what we call the six levels of communication, we'll cover that Thursday night at date night comedy, and we're looking forward to it. Today I want to talk to you about maturity and marriage, as we talk about marriage. For those who are single this can be preparing you for marriage, but even more than just preparing you for marriage it can help you be an advocate for all of the marriages around you. So if you would listen with the ears, how can I help those of my friends and family who are married? For those of you who are dating, engaged it's like premarital time, for those of you who have been married for some time this can be a refresher. Some of you may even be together, maybe even living together, and you're deciding whether or not you should get married.
Ptr Cunningham: 02:14 We just want to start back today with God's original design and plan for marriage, and how it works. And so I am going to encourage you to turn to Genesis chapter 2, and in Genesis 2 we're going to look at the beginning where it all started. And what I love about this your bible may have in Verse 24 of Chapter 2, a therefore. It may say for this reason I love the therefore in scripture because therefore is right in the middle of, we just shared with you deep theology or an understanding on whatever the subject is being discussed, therefore this is how you live. After the Therefore is always the application. And so I have in our home something called therefore parenting. And I always love to remind my kids when I have to ask them to do something, I always start with how much does your dad love you? And I want them to go you love us Dad. No, no, no, show me with your arms how much do I love you. You love us this much. No,no, no, this can't even express how much I love you. If we're walking down the street and the car jumps the curb and it's coming at us what am I going to do? Dad you've told us you're going to pick us up, you're going to throw us out of the way, and you're going to take the hit for us. I said that's right, that's how much your dad loves you. Therefore, go clean your room. Therefore, mom dad whatever you want it to be, therefore.
Ptr Cunningham: 03:37 So today as we look at the surgery, and the first surgery, and God as the surgeon and as he puts marriage together we're going to get a therefore and that's what we want to focus on today. The for this reason this now is how you and I live out marriage in our lives. So we'll pick up in Genesis chapter 2. This is after all the beast of the field and the birds of the air have been brought before Adam for him to name. And we'll pick it up in verse 20. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. The idea there behind helper his companion there was no companion suitable for him. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep, and while he was sleeping he took one of man's ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. And some theologians believe this was the rib that God gave man to have for mind reading and once it was gone, we're not able to do that anymore ladies, we can't, we can't do that. Verse 22. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of man and he brought her to the man. And the man Adam said, "This now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh, she shall be called woman for she was taken out of man." It's very important to understand there, we sometimes breezed through that part of it just with the idea of creation and where a woman came from, but understanding this is very important to understanding that therefore or what we're supposed to do with it. Because Martin Luther taught, and I love his idea behind this, he says, "God could have taken a bone out of Adam's foot to make woman" thus implying that man would rule over women. I see some women going he didn't do that. He could have, this again this is Martin Luther saying what he could have, "He could have taken a bone from man's head.", thus implying women would rule over men. Oh, now you like that don't ya, you like that. But no, I love this imagery, no instead he took the rib out of the side of Adam and the idea here is that they come alongside each other. And the teaching behind this is equality and mutual respect for one another. That male not inferior or superior to female and so this idea is this is how it works. And God is the one who made this happen, and brought the woman to the man and we have the first marriage. And in Genesis 2:24 we get the therefore, or for this reason, a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife and they become one flesh. Let's break that down, and I love this because the for this reason, because of how God designed it. A man leaves the site of his parents. He has to leave the side of his parents physically, emotionally, relationally, and if necessary geographically.
Ptr Cunningham: 06:45 Some of you here in Phoenix you moved a thousand miles away from your parents and it made your marriage better, and that's OK. Now this is not speaking that you alienate yourself from extended family because the word leaves here actually means to forsake. To forsake, some of you have a struggle with a mother in-law or a father in-law right now. And the struggle in your marriage is real because this disconnection, the walking alongside a parent, hasn't ended emotionally, relationally, spiritually. But for cleaving to work for two to become one is God designed it. You have to leave the side of your parents, and you have to join the side of your spouse in exclusivity. The idea here is you leave your parents and you join for a lifetime. I have a 12 and a 14 year old. I'm moving into the teenage years, and can I get we'll pray for you Ted? Let me just get one of those we'll pray for you Ted. Let me just encourage you, a friend of mine Dan Seabourn says this, "just understand this at some point. Every teenager's brain will fall out. Mine did, yours did you as a parent just have to pray that one day that brain will find its way back in." And anybody here with toddlers you have infants or toddlers, let me see infants and toddlers, let me just encourage you at this it's the most control you'll ever have. Because with every day, with every week, with every month, with every year of your child's life you are losing control and all the parents said.
Congregation: 06:45 Amen.
Ptr Cunningham: 08:13 But hopefully, we're here to encourage you some of you are like this is terrible so far, I ain't encouraged at all. Linn always encourages us, this guy's just down to reality right there. Hopefully you're replacing that control with influence, that's my desire with a 12 and 14 year old right now. As mentor and influencer I'm walking alongside my teenagers. Like walking alongside them watching them make good decisions, struggle with other decisions, but at some point I'm going to I'm going to walk them down the aisle. And they're going to leave my side to join the spouse and to cleave.
Ptr Cunningham: 08:53 So the question for us becomes maturity around all of this. It says a man will leave his father and mother another role of parenting is to make sure our children leave home as adults, not on a journey to become one. Doesn't say a child leaves mom and dad, doesn't say an adolescent leaves mom and dad, it says a man. It's my job as a parent as I walk alongside my kids to make sure they're ready for this departure and they're ready for this cleaving to another. And not leaving that up to the workplace, not leaving that up to the college, not leaving that up to marriage. I want to begin speaking into and sharing constantly with my kids this idea of maturity because there's a difference between childhood and adulthood.
Ptr Cunningham: 09:35 Historically, biblically there's only two seasons of life, you will not find adolescence in the Scripture, you'll find childhood and adulthood and there's a big difference between the two. (First Corinthians 13:11) puts it this way, "When I was a child I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.". I went from being a boy to being a man from being a girl to being a woman. And this maturity in life is this idea of a man leaves his father and mother and he's going to go from childhood to adulthood. And now children speak and think differently than adults. Children like to think in and speak in me and I and what I want. But when you become an adult, and for those parents in the room you know this right, that you have to you have to start using words like we, words like us. And I was trying to teach this to my kids one time, and I told Amy I said let's have a good lesson today as we go into Walmart and she goes what? I go just follow, follow me whatever I do. We walked back to the back technology section with all the big plasma's on the wall. Our kids were very young, and I go hey Amy and I look like one of the big 60 inch TVs I go Hey babe I want one. She goes well we can't afford it. And then I said this, but I want one. My kids kind of pause like what is going on? Amy and I get in a fight, it's all a pretend fight, but I'm claiming I want one. She says, "Ted you cannot have the TV". I went humph, and I just sat there. I'll never forget Carson coming over to me and looking over me like this, what are you doing? This is really odd, this is strange.
Ptr Cunningham: 11:25 How many of you had parents that would step over you and say meet me on aisle 8 whenever you get done with whatever that is? But now as parents we get them to beg. See children and adults they think and they reason different. We reason different right because children are in the now. This is what I want to have happen right now, and children don't think about later. But adults have to think about later. We're constantly thinking about later. You're not going to pick up any of your children from children's ministry today and have a 6 year old on the ride home go what are we doing today? You give a list of everything you're doing late afternoon in the evening and your 6 year old goes Mom do you think it would be wise if I take a nap before we do all that? They're not thinking about what they have coming up and I should probably think about that right now, but raise your hand if while in here in the last 30 minutes you've thought about taking a nap this afternoon would you raise your hand. Look it, it's everybody around your whole days revolving around that nap. You're conserving your energy. But that's, see adults have to say you, we, us, later. We've got to have a completely different frame of mind.
Ptr Cunningham: 12:34 We went this spring. We were in Copenhagen Denmark. We went into an Irish Pub and for lunch and I was hungry and I said oh look at that an Irish pub in the middle of the day and Ancestry.com tells me I'm sixteen point seven percent Irish so I just I feel drawn to it, no I don't I just made that up, but so did they. Spit in a tube all you want they just make up numbers and put it on a piece paper. Oh hey I worked for Ancestry.com okay so let's keep moving. We go in there, there's only one lady in the place an Irish lady and she's been in there a while if know what I mean. And we sit down as a family and we're talking about the trip we've been on and it's at the end of our trip so we're debriefing it and having a great time laughing as a family getting ready to order. She comes walking over to our table puts her arms around Amy and I and she says I've been listening to your family. Now my accent goes from Ireland to Scotland to Australia, just stick with me in the whole thing because you're going to hear Mel Gibson in here somewhere. I don't know exactly where it's going to be. And she said "I like what I'm hearing". She goes you've got a good family. I wish I could, I wish, but I can't, but Cornerstone is one of those churches I know that would let me to make the point that I can't like use the language she really used in this conversation. But she loved the F word, like it was major and I would never do that , but she loved the F word. So I'm going to bleep out her conversation as we go through it.
Ptr Cunningham: 14:15 She goes "Do you two have a good marriage?" I said well I think so yeah I'd say so. She goes and she looks over at my kids 12 and 14 they're sitting across the table and she looks at me she's kind of not mean but she goes, "You see those two little bleepers right there?" My kids are like what? They've never been called that, right, they're not cowboys fans. Hey. Welcome to Cornerstone. You got admit that was a good callback anyway. All right. There was not a better team to pick on and you sat right there. The Lord brought you to those seats this morning I can tell you that right now. You don't talk back, it's my time to talk. The kids are like wow! She goes, and this I'm not making up, she goes "those two little bleepers they're going to leave you one day, and what are you going to do?" I said I don't know what are we going to do. And she says this "You look at those two little bleepers and you simply say bleep off." That's terrible parenting advice. She leaves and I'm like with my kids you guys alright, are you okay? Wow that was a lot of f bombs dropped right there was a lot going on. She comes walking back over. I can't make this stuff up she comes walking back over holding four Corona beers, and this guy's like honey what's a Corona, lime wedges and all. And she leans down in between Amy and I and she goes "Can I buy your family a beer?" I'm going to tell you the same thing I told her oh ma'am I don't drink beer and neither does my 12 year old.
Ptr Cunningham: 16:10 She goes walking back over to her table which is I think the answer she was looking for. She sets them down and she comes walking back over and as she's walking back over. I look at my wife and I go this is of the Lord. And I'll tell you the problem with Christians today, Christians today don't spend enough time in bars. Because she was dropping F bombs. We were just about to drop the Jesus bomb. And I said mam tell me your story and I'm she was talking a hundred miles an hour. She just lost her mom, she lost her marriage, she divorced her husband, left the business of over 30 years. Kids weren't talking to her. She lost it all. And maybe that's where some of you are at this morning. I mean you've just lost it all and it starts with your family. You lost your marriage. Your kids aren't talking to you. And I so get this pain is real and she's trying to, she was trying to protect Amy and I and our marriage and then she turned to Amy and started saying what are you going do if he leaves you. And my wife had the words she said you know there's a lot of ways you can leave a spouse. And a lot of one of the ways we rarely talk about is that you can leave a spouse in death. I go if we stay together till one of us lays the other in the arms of Jesus or till the Lord returns one of us will go before the other. And then Amy said, but here's the good news he's not my source of life. And I said she's not my source of life. I love this woman but I'm able to love her with someone unlimited supply of love that I'm able to give. And we share the gospel with her.
Ptr Cunningham: 17:49 And then I said where do your journeys take you next? And she goes I'm going to Amsterdam. I said I have friends in Amsterdam will you look him up. She goes sure and I took her journal out. I don't know if she'd remember it. I took it out. I wrote down Hillsong, Amsterdam and then I wrote down Linn's phone number and I wanted her to get help. And I just, but I'm writing all this down and she sees me write down and she says "What is it a chuch?" I said it is a church. She goes "Are they Lutheran?" I said no ma'am they're not Lutheran. She goes "Are they Catholic?" Said no ma'am they're not Catholic. I said you're really only going to hear one name mentioned at this church and it is the name of Jesus. I said Ma'am I'm sorry for the loss of your mom and I'm sorry for the loss of your marriage and the loss of your business. But I want to tell you all those they're not your source of life. Jesus is your source of life. And I pray that you will give your life to him and my daughter standing there the whole time. And it was at this moment she stopped dropping the f bomb. She grabbed my hand and kissed it. I don't typically let women kiss me.
Ptr Cunningham: 18:52 But it's it's this idea we've we've fallen so much into marriage and family, with my children are my source of life, my spouse is my source of life. But what we're seeing today is the creator over your marriage, the creator over your family, your children are supposed to leave according to (Genesis 2:24) the bond between a husband and a wife is supposed to be stronger than the bond between a parent and a child. You want your kids to go. You want them to leave. You want them to begin their own life, and when they're your source of life that's very painful but when Jesus is your source of life you can let them leave because the scripture goes on to say what "the two become one." Jesus comes in, in (Matthew 19) we read this and he uses (Genesis 2) And by the way Jesus was there at the first wedding, okay, the one where He turned water into wine was not his first. The first one he was there in creation. Let us make male and female in our image. So Jesus is now going to draw from the teaching we just saw in Genesis 2 he says "when someone gets married there are no longer two but one." Therefore this is so important for us to remember about marriage, therefore what God has joined together please don't forget when you stand before God and gathered witnesses, this is something God is doing. He is bringing husband and wife together. You remember years ago this was taken very seriously, but it's almost a punchline now in movies in other words it's become cliche. But before they went into the vows of the ceremony the pastor or the priest would say if there is anyone here who objects to these two becoming one. Speak now or.
Congregation: 18:52 Forever hold your peace.
Ptr Cunningham: 20:44 Well you got that. We laugh at that in movie's now because they make it crazy about someone running down the aisle or last minute. I want to marry her right and all that. The idea was what we're about to enter into this. Husband and wife taking their vows on, and coming together as one. This is something God is doing, joined together by God. Speak now, because if you don't speak before we do this, forever hold your peace. Because like it says"What God has joined together let no man separate."
Ptr Cunningham: 21:18 God is for the exclusivity of marriage. God is for one man, one woman, for one lifetime. If you're in your second or third or fourth or fifth marriage can I encourage you to be able to look at your spouse today. And say "Listen we're in this until either one of us lays the other in the arms of Jesus death. Or the Lord returns." Follow that up with a "Got it, this is how it's going to work." If you're single see these trends as maybe just ask the Holy Spirit to call you by name. If I say something that frustrate you don't take it to me first, take it you and the Lord do business with this.
Ptr Cunningham: 22:07 But I want to share with you seven. Marriage and Family trends.
Ptr Cunningham: 22:11 I used to call them a tax and then from feedback and all that people said that's a little strong. And so I call them trends. Seven marriage and family trends that are coming against the exclusivity of marriage are coming against what God joins together in marriage between a husband and a wife for a lifetime. The first one, and anybody here have a fear of public speaking, let me see your hands let me just see your hands. I have a fear of public spelling. That's worse than the fear of public speaking. But we're going old school. So for my young friends this is paper it's just paper, just paper nothing's going to float off here in front of you and smoke or any of that just all going to be right here and so I get really intimidated by this.
Ptr Cunningham: 22:53 But the first trend I talked about this last time I was here in May is the kid centered home. It started around the 1980's with parents who were raised in homes. This would be me I was raised in the 80's. It was a great decade. We can talk about that some other time. But I was I was raised by parents OK. And those parents heard children should be seen and not.
Congregation: 22:53 Heard
Ptr Cunningham: 23:22 So in the 80s we switched all of that up. From the boomers to the Xer's we started becoming a more nurturing home, and we started to say you know what our parents were kind of out of sight out of mind with us and we were just kind of there. But now it is all about them their sports, their activities, their their school whatever we're just all about them and we're going to put the marriage back here for a little while. The kids centered home led to what we call, prolonged there we go I am already getting nervous about spelling, prolonged adolescence. I get through this word, I can do the rest of the words. I define prolonged adolescence as too much privilege not enough responsibility. And it flows right out of the kid centered home. We're not prepared when we leave home. Again a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife not a child not an adolescent. We created the term adolescent in 1804, the gap between childhood and adulthood. I don't argue against that too much. With everything I've got, as parents we have got to start encouraging our young people to make adult decisions at an early age at 12 and 14. I'll be back at the book table after this and my son's back there running it. I want him to make adult decisions and interact with people like adults. And we still do this right? It's still the job of parents, when you talk to a waiter drop your technology, look them in the eyes say yes, say thank you ,say please, no ma'am, yes sir. That's part of eradicating prolonged adolescence.
Ptr Cunningham: 24:48 Then the third trend is delayed marriage. For men first marriage is going to be around age 29 and for women it's 27 it's still creeping up but the message of the church has always been the same. The message of scripture don't have sex, get married and enjoy your spouse and keep the marriage bed pure. This has always been the message, but because of where culture has been taking us, now what we're saying is we'll just go ahead and have sex and delay marriage. Church needs to get back, the body of Christ needs to get back to not just promoting, okay not just promoting marriage with a wedding. But promoting it by challenging our young people marriage is a good thing. You don't have to be scared of it. You can leave mom and dad and the comforts they provided you and the security they provided you and you can go out on your own and start life. You can begin marriage, you can begin family. Delayed marriage led to what Scott Stanley calls sliding versus deciding. We believe, deciding, we believe decisions have power. It's why as kids I would sing as a small child almost every Sunday in Sunday school I have decided to follow Jesus, and we were in the Lord's Army in memory of him. We made the decision. Decisions have power.
Ptr Cunningham: 26:17 I love watching Secret Service movies, movies about the president. When you know a missile's coming at the air force one, and a fighter jet comes in and takes the hit and sacrifices their life for the president. You know why they're able to do that? They didn't make a decision at that moment what to do. The decision to do that was long ago that when they're in the situation they know the decision that they've made, and they're just acting upon a decision. Decisions have power and in relationship formation we need to get back to teaching young people it's okay to make decisions.
Ptr Cunningham: 26:51 Right, I ask young people at our church all the time "So oh is this your boyfriend?"
Ptr Cunningham: 26:58 "Well I don't know. I wouldn't call him that."
Ptr Cunningham: 27:01 "Well are you together."
Ptr Cunningham: 27:03 "That's. That's a strong word."
Ptr Cunningham: 27:07 And I know words have changed and I tell her, I'm in Branson with a lot of senior adults, and um I've had to tell her senior adult, thongs are no longer sandals you put on your feet. You got to quit using the term thongs. Because we have an 80 year old lady in our church that texted me one time "Hey, you want to hook up for lunch." No, no, hook up with your pastor, no nope it has a different meaning. So I know terms change and meanings of words change. But just you say I'm not going to make a decision, because if I make a decision then whenever, whatever this is falls apart, I won't hurt so bad. So the sliding has become a coping mechanism.
Ptr Cunningham: 27:50 The the fifth trend we call the starter marriage. It's kind of new, and I always question whether or not I should put it in these trends. But man, I think it's a start, see I didn't finish it with the starter marriage. If it's not actually happening it's still in the mind. It's my cousin Greg who is a year older than me never been married he said "I'm not walking down the aisle till I can answer one question." I said "What's that." He said "Am I willing to spend the next six to eight years of my life with this woman." I'm like "I love you cuz, but that ain't how this thing works."
Ptr Cunningham: 28:26 The starter marriage and then that leads to dating while divorcing. You've seen this, this is a big one on social media. You know the paperwork hasn't even been filed yet and they're posting a new picture with a boyfriend or girlfriend. And I always share, and this again comes from the heart of a pastor who loves you, please don't ask family and friends to celebrate a new relationship when they're still mourning the death of the last one. We've got to remember divorce is a death and people need time to process that. And you're like you're the most depressing speaker we've had in a long time with all these trends. And just that just when you thought grandmas and grandpas marriage was safe. It is not.
Ptr Cunningham: 29:06 That's the last trend. We call it greying divorce and 50 years ago the divorce rate in this country for those over the age of 50 was 2.8 percent. In 1990, it jumped up to 10 percent. And right now, it's almost at 30 percent, with 28 percent of those over the age of 50 walking away from marriages 30 and 50 years. When the scripture, the scripture says this in (Hebrews 13:4) "Marriage should be honored by all." So whether you're single or married, young or old, every single person in here. If you claim the name of Jesus, every single person in here single married, young or old you are called to esteem marriage as highly valuable.
Ptr Cunningham: 29:46 We've got to get back, it's the way we come against these trends by saying marriage is a good thing. We don't need to be scared of it, we need to see it as God designed it. A man leaving his father and mother and uniting to his wife. Leaving the side of parents and clinging and cleaving to the spouse, and the marriage bed kept pure. So I'm going to ask you a couple of questions and you can answer me here and across all the campuses. Scottsdale I want to see it, San Tan I want to see it, venue 5 let's see it. I'm going to ask this and you just raise your hand. You say we were mature when we married. Would you raise your hand. Okay, all right, I like that. I love the deliberation.
Ptr Cunningham: 29:46 "I don't know."
Ptr Cunningham: 30:31 "What do you think. I don't know."
Ptr Cunningham: 30:32 Well there's more questions. Hold on. Because I know this gets confusing. How about this? We were immature when we married, but grew up together. Would you raise your hand. Look at all of them now. I think we got to get back to explaining this to young people. You can mature in marriage. Not just leading up to it, okay?
Ptr Cunningham: 30:50 Do not raise your hand on this next question. Okay, you keep your hands down. We were immature when we married. I grew up and my spouse did not. Okay? Put your hand down! We were immature when we married my spouse grew up and I did not. Does anybody care to share on that? Thank you. I'm proud of you to be able to say that. Because that's a struggling marriage. She's maturing at a rate faster than me. He's maturing at a rate faster than me. Would anybody admit we were immature when we married, and we still are? I love this church. They're going hey we are so jacked up I don't care what any of you think about our marriage.
Ptr Cunningham: 31:45 My wife's, and I just share this quickly, my wife's grandfather before he went to be with the Lord he was married for 65 years and at his funeral I shared (Ecclesiastes 7:1-2) That says "A good name is better than fine perfume and the day of death is better than the day of birth. For it is better to go to a house of mourning than to a house of feasting for death is the destiny of every man." And the living should take this to heart and really a funeral is taking to heart the death of a loved one. I'll never forget his funeral taking to heart the death of Lloyd Fretag meant we celebrated the fact that when he was just a boy he traveled halfway across the globe for us to literally save the world for us in World War II in the Navy. He came back he met a fiery redhead named Lorraine, invited her on a date Saturday night it went so well invited her out the next Saturday night, and on that second date he proposed marriage and she said "Sure." And a few weeks later they were married. And they celebrated 65 years of marriage. They had a great marriage. He worked 42 years in a meat packing plant and when he went to be with the Lord and I said you know a funeral supposed to teach us, a funeral is supposed to change us. And that's why it's better to go to a funeral than a party. The scripture says because at the funeral you ask all the right questions.
Ptr Cunningham: 32:55 You know I've been to the funeral of a child who died because of SIDS. And I sit there and I ask the right question and I think this is ridiculous, these parents have just lost their child, and yesterday I was complaining to my children for making a mess in the bathtub. That's what a funeral should get you contemplating. And sitting at a funeral, at that funeral, I said "When I get home tonight I'm going to teach my kids how to use the toilet as a diving board into the bathtub." A funeral should change you and as I looked around at our family and friends gathered at Lloyd's funeral I said we need to be asking all the right questions are we living like he lived? Loved his Lord, loved his wife, loved his family. I said we've got to make some good decisions. They grew up together they grew up through very difficult times together but we can do this. We can do this, we were all a mess after the funeral and I'll never forget Uncle Wayne walking up to me and going "Ted would you promise me that you'll preach a funeral good for me when I die?" And I looked right at him and I said "You got some work to do." Raise your hand if you agree we all do. We've all got some work to do.
Ptr Cunningham: 34:05 Let's pray.
Ptr Cunningham: 34:08 Father, I pray for the one right now that the Holy Spirit is calling by name to say hey here's some next steps you can take. We can teach skill, we can teach knowledge. But it's that willpower that desire to change that only you can give. So for the struggle that's real and so many marriages right now. And for engaged couples, dating couples, where one really wants to get married and the other says no, and there's something holding them back. I pray that today can be a conversation starter for them. Like what's holding you back. That if there are areas where we need to grow and responsibility we can take that step. Unashamed, grateful for this church where we have the freedom not just to have fun, but to be able to raise our hand on some tough questions. We all have work to do.
Ptr Cunningham: 34:57 May we all come into our marriage thinking, and speaking, and reasoning like adults. With us, and we, and you language.
Ptr Cunningham: 35:12 We're grateful for what you're doing in this church, continue to use Cornerstone throughout all of Phoenix to reach those who are far from you. And it's in the name of Jesus that everyone agreed and said I look forward to seeing you Thursday night.
Recorded in Chandler, Arizona.
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