Chase The Girl
Pastor Winters gives advice on how to be a good husband.
Linn Winters
Aug 26, 2018 41m
This sermon, by Linn Winters, focuses on the men of his congregation. He gives great advice on how to be a good husband. This advice is laid out in easy to understand steps that include: Engagement in the family, pursuing her, and taking spiritual leadership in the home. Video recorded at Chandler, Arizona.
TranscriptionmessageRegarding Grammar:
This is a transcription of the sermon. People speak differently than they write, and there are common colloquialisms in this transcript that sound good when spoken, and look like bad grammar when written.
This is a transcription of the sermon. People speak differently than they write, and there are common colloquialisms in this transcript that sound good when spoken, and look like bad grammar when written.
Linn Winters: 00:29 Hey, cornerstone. How you guys doing? Super good to see you today. I think, I hope, you knew when you walked in that we're in the third week of a series on relationships. And so I know that some of us in the room would say, Hey, Linn, I'm not married right now, so this just doesn't even feel like my conversation. And I just want to suggest to you, that single people may get more out of this series than the rest of us. Here's why. The rest of us are in the middle of the stew. We've got all sorts of things going on. We've got mortgages to pay, we've got jobs that were going to, and then trying to come home and manage this relationship. And I'm just telling you, we're in the middle of it, with all sorts of pressure in it, and then trying to sort it out. You have the privilege as a single person to say, you know what? I'm going to figure this out before I get in. I'm going to already have my ideas and where I'm going already planned on this deal, and I'm going to look for somebody who has the same ideals, the same vision, for what this relationship's going to be. I'm going to suggest to you that this series may actually change the person you choose to do marriage with. So lean in. Hang on. This series is for you as much, maybe more than the rest of us. And then I just want to say to those of us that are in the midst of marriage, the challenge that we've asked you to consider is, is it possible that the one who created marriage knows something about marriage? And that rather than doing this the way that our parents did it, rather than looking to our neighbors and saying, hey, what do you think? Or taking advice from Homer Simpson. That you and I would say, hey, what if I just, you know, for 60 days, this was the challenge for 60 days, leaned into scripture. Just say, God look, even if it doesn't make sense, even if I'm not sure I agree with you, for 60 days I'm going to lean in. I'm just going to do this the way that you prescribed it, and see if maybe you understand something. Maybe you designed something that I haven't completely mastered, or figured out, yet so I'm just going to let you steer the ship for 60 days. And we challenge you to consider doing that.
Linn Winters: 02:38 Now, if you were here two weeks ago, we had a conversation that said, one of the flaws that we have in our relationships is that we never get to highway speeds. It's like we're always doing city driving. It's like we're always starting out from the light and putting all that effort in to get our relationship moving forward, and then something happened, and someone puts on the brakes. And you're like, wait, wait, wait a minute, we were just starting to get this thing moving in the right direction, it was starting to feel like we had some momentum relationally, and then this. And so then you find yourself having to kind of pick up the pieces, and push in all over again, only get up to speed and have somebody put on the brakes again. And for some of us, marriage is exhausting because we've only done city driving in our relationships. And so we talked about some things we were going to stop doing, namely putting on the brakes, in our relationships.
Linn Winters: 03:35 And I just want to say to you that if you didn't hear that first message, this is one of those few times that I'm going to encourage you, You want to go back, you want to listen to that first conversation because it was so foundational. It was so fundamental to everything that we're now building on. If you missed it, there's a whole bunch we're going to say that's just not going to make sense. So take the time, go online, go back, take a look at that.
Linn Winters: 03:59 So things we were going to stop, today we're going to talk about how to push the accelerator. What are the things that we could begin to do that just move this relationship so far forward that we're just going, wow, this is what God intended. You mean it can be this much fun, and we can be this thrilled to be. I mean, I had no idea. Today we're going to push the accelerator, and we're going to go back to that same Ephesians five passage. This time we're going to dig a little further down into it, and here's what's gonna happen. The scripture's going to give a job description to men and say, men, here's what you do to accelerate your marriage, to get this thing going in the right. This is what you do. Next week we're going to talk to the women, and it's going to say, women if you would engage in your marriage this way, if you would respond to your man this way, it would just literally accelerate this relationship. It would just take it to a whole new place. Now, men, here's what you need to hear me say as we have the conversation today. There is nothing that we're going to say that's about beating you up. I'm just telling you that there's nothing. What we're gonna do is I'm going to give you some things, some actual tools, that you can walk out of here that are literally going to move your relationship forward. Every bit of it is intended to be helpful for you.
Linn Winters: 05:20 And then you're going to decide. You're can decide, hey, am I going to do one of the things we've talked about today? Am I going to do two of the things? You're going to decide how much you want to engage in this conversation, but at the end of the day, your engagement has the power. I'm just telling you, has the power to literally transform your relationship.
Linn Winters: 05:40 Okay, here we go. Grab your bibles. We're going to go to Ephesians chapter five again, and if you're not familiar, if you go to the back of your Bible, and then work to the left, you're going to find this book of Ephesians. Probably the most significant conversation in all of scripture about how marriage is supposed to work. Ephesians chapter five. So let me tell you what we're about to encounter. So in scripture, when scripture repeats itself, when scripture says the same thing it is scriptures way of saying, hello, this is an asterisk moment, this is a moment to put a big check mark and get this. So Jesus would do this sometimes, Jesus would say, verily, verily, which is just another way of saying truly, truly. And anytime he repeated, when he double stated like that, what he was saying was look, if you don't get the rest of the sermon, if you don't hear anything else that I say, get this, get this one thing right. And Ephesians chapter five, you ready for this? is going to say to men, here's your job description, and it's actually one thing, and it's going to repeat itself three times. Now, what does that mean to you men? The scripture would just say, look, look, look, look, if you don't get anything else right in your relationship, if you fail at every other part, you're never successful in business, you never accomplish or build that [inaudible} If you don't do anything else, get this one thing right. That's how powerful this is.
Linn Winters: 07:28 So here we go men, and I'm going to read through the passage, and I want you to watch and you'll see that literally God's going to repeat himself three times. He's going to say here's what a man needs to do to literally energize his marriage. All right, here we go. Ephesians chapter five, we're going to start in verse 21, here's what it says, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." That was two weeks ago. We said, look, we come with expectations. We're going to take our expectations. We're going to submit them to our spouse. They're going to be more important than our expectations. Few weeks ago. Verse 22, "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as unto the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife. As Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."
Linn Winters: 08:20 Now, men, here we go, you ready? Husbands. Next word. I feel like I'm at junior high camp, and all the boys are going, I don't like girls. I ain't gonna say that out loud. I had a couple of services ago, even when the men finally said love out loud, it was like, (whispers) love. So we're going to try to get ready. All right, here we go. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. To make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water, through the word. To present her to himself as a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife, loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but they feed and they care for their body, just as Christ does the church, for we are members of his body. For this reason, a man will leave his father and his mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery, but I'm talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife, as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Linn Winters: 09:50 Guys, three times, three times. God says, look, men, if you don't get anything else right, get loving her right. It's the what? It is the most critical, it's the most crucial part of your job. It is the thing that has the most capacity to change this relationship is for her to know that you love her. And some of you go Linn, of course I love her. I can't help it, that she doesn't get it. Of course I love her and I'm just telling you, I actually feel a little bit exhausted trying to let her know that I love her.
Linn Winters: 10:32 And that's why today is going to be so powerful for you. Because we're going to spend the rest of our time going through, and just practically saying, where are the places you could invest some effort that literally are home runs for her. There are places that if you did that, she would go, oh my goodness, that man loves me. And they're not that hard. You've just been peddling the wrong bike.
Linn Winters: 10:53 Okay, all right, back to the passage. There's actually some really, really powerful statements in the passage. So go back with me to verse 25. Here's what it says, "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Now the church is us. You get that right? You and I are the church, so he says to the husbands, husbands, you love your wives the way that Jesus loved us. Some of the men are thinking that story through. No, no, wait a minute the way that Jesus loved us, he ends up going to a cross. That story doesn't end real well for Jesus. Here's the good news. He's probably not asking you to die for your wife, that's probably not what he's doing. Besides the fact that there's probably only like one out of every ten wives in here who would appreciate you dying, and we're not talking to them today, okay? I'm talking to the other nine.
Linn Winters: 11:58 But think about this. Here's what Jesus did in that moment. He put your and my need above his. He placed you and me in first place. Scripture saying, men, you want to love your wife, you're going to place her in first place. Which means, you're ready for this? You can still have your career, you can still have your hobbies, you can still have your sports and you know it's all good. She just has to be more important than them. She, other than God himself, she has to have first place in your life. Because you ready for this guys, because anything that takes first place away from her is a mistress. I don't care if that's porn. I don't care if that's hanging out with your friend. Anything that takes first place from her is a mistress, and so scripture says, here's what you're going to do to love your wife, you're going to get her first place. Which means when there's a moment in time and your career is in odds or conflict with putting her first, your sports, whatever that thing is, she wins. She wins 90 percent of the time. Every once in a while with Lisa, I have to say, hey Lisa, I just have a meeting I can't get out of. But what can we do to come back and make that up? Because you're the most important thing. You're more important than the meeting, but I can't get out of the meeting, right? When it comes in conflict she wins, even as Christ loved the church.
Linn Winters: 13:37 Second phrase in here guys, and guys, don't miss this one, because this may be the best phrase on the whole thing. He said in verse Twenty Eight, here's what it says, "In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies (and ready for this) he who loves his wife, loves himself." Hear that again. He who loves his wife loves himself. Here's why, because God built her in such a way that when she begins to feel and receive love, it lights her up. She comes alive. I'm telling you, it transforms her when she knows in the deepest part that she is loved by her man. And I'm just telling you, a wife who feel that's good stuff. I'm just telling you, that's good. So much of your marriage would transform. Guys, listen to me, I guarantee you, I guarantee you, if you're right now in here and you go, Hey, our marriage is struggling a little bit. If I went to your wife, here's what I can promise she's going to say. I don't feel loved, that's my biggest issue, I don't feel loved by my husband. Because the way that God built her, this becomes her primary need, but it also becomes the most empowering moment of her life when the man loves her more. Here's what scripture says, that man, that man is really smart. Because the man who loves his wife, loves himself, because of what it does to her.
Linn Winters: 15:20 Okay? So you come back and you go, Linn well you know, so how do you do that? Because I mean, I'm trying, and I've tried to express to her and I told her that I loved her like six years ago and I still mean it. And so what do you' got to do to get this woman to understand that I love her? What is it? And so here's what I do. Thirty plus years of doing ministry, okay? And countless, countless hours of sitting in marriage counseling, and hearing women reflect this. And here's the interesting thing. Almost every one of the things that women come back and go, hey, this is why I don't feel loved, fits into one of three categories. And so guys, I'm just gonna share with you what those categories are, and then you're going to get to decide. Hey, am I going to step it up in one of those categories, am I going to like embrace two, or am I gonna do three. But here's what you need to know, men, if you just did one of the things that we're about to talk about, your marriage would move forward. If you did two, you'd be the man. You do three, I'm just telling you, man, you do three, and you're going to decide.
Linn Winters: 16:36 Here's the three categories, you ready? The three places that women almost always [inaudible], hey, I don't know that I feel loved. Ready? Engagement in the family, pursuing her, stepping up and taking spiritual leadership in the home. Three categories that women always come back to. I just don't know that I feel loved by my husband. So here's the deal, the rest of the conversation we are going to have is not going to be deeply theological. Men, it's going to be super practical. I'm literally going to give you the low hanging fruit that says, guys, here are the simple, just very doable, you could just do this, and it would transform your relationship. She would feel loved by you.
Linn Winters: 17:19 So here we go. Number one, engagement in the home. How do you do that? How do you engage in the home? Go home and talk about division of labor. Hey, who's responsible for carrying out the trash, who loads the dishwasher, who unloads the dishwasher, who takes the dry cleaning? Just division of Labor. Because guys, are you ready for this? Your willingness to step in and take your share, your responsibility, of what goes on in the home is absolutely affirming and loving to her. It just tells her, I'm vested, I'm vested, in our home and I'm willing to do that. And then once you divvy that up, men, once you say, okay, you know, here's your job, here's my job, here's your job, here's my job. You get that all done, you ready? Then do extra, do extra. Because it's that extra moment that will suddenly say to her, oh my gosh, this guy is invested.
Linn Winters: 18:21 So let me tell you how that works for me. So fairly early on in our marriage, Lisa would come to me and she'd say, "Hey
Linn, can I drive your car today?"
Linn Winters: 18:30 And I go, "Well, sure, why do you want to do that?"
Linn Winters: 18:32 "I just want to put the top down." I've got a convertible. She goes, "I just want to put the top down, it's a nice day."
Linn Winters: 18:36 I said, "Well okay, you can drive my car." So I go out and get in her car, guess what? Gas Needle. But here's the worst
part. I mean I'm so naive, that she'd come to me a couple of weeks later.
Linn Winters: 18:49 She'd go, "Hey Linn, can I drive your car today?"
Linn Winters: 18:51 I'm like, "Well, why do you want drive my car?"
Linn Winters: 18:52 "I'm going the other side of the town, it would just be fun to drive your little sports car to the other side of town."
Linn Winters: 18:56 "Oh, okay. Drive my car today."
Linn Winter: 19:02 Here's what I figured out. My wife hates putting gas in her car. Took me a couple of years. I am slower than the average bear, but I figured it out. And here's what I could've done, me you ready for this? I could have said, hey, wait a minute. In the fair division of labor, I fill my car, she should fill her car. But I realized that she hated that, and so I decided to become the gasoline secret agent. And I would sneak around, and I would go and check her car on a regular routine basis, and I go, oh, it's half full. I'd go fill it up. Here's why, you ready for this? Because every time she walks to the garage and that needle's on full, she says, that man loves me. Guys it's the power, it's the power of doing a little bit extra. When you engage with the family.
Linn Winters: 19:52 Here's another real practical way. Hey, you're going to have to come up with a financial plan, for your family, and for you just to be the guy who initiates that and says, let's sit down and talk. Let's talk through finances together. How are we going to spend? Because here's the deal, number one cause of marital strife. Anyone want to guess? Finances. And here's why, because one of you is tight, and one of you is a spender. Matter of fact, you know exactly who it is, because I saw you look at each other right now.
Linn Winters: 20:26 In our marriage, Lisa is the spender. For her, it really comes out of a spirit of generosity. She loves buying people little gifts just to say, hey, I was thinking about you, here's a gift. And she loves taking people out to eat. So we'd be sitting there at the end of the month, and the finances would be getting down really, really tight, and next thing I know here's Chili's for $92. I'm like, why? You took seven people to Chili's? Yeah, I just wanted them to know I loved them. And I go Lisa you can't do that, you can't do that. Here's how we solve it, you don't have to solve it this way, but here's how we solved it. I said, look, Lisa, I just refuse for us to be in tension about this all the time. Let's have our general account. Let's sit down, we'll agree, we'll talk it through. How aggressive are we going to be about paying, you know, paying off charge cards? What bills? Are we going to have, you know, another car payment or are we not? We'll do that together, we'll collaborate on that. And then Lisa, we're going to give you an allowance, and it's going to be a separate account. I know what some you tight wads are doing right now. You're going separate account, that's a $12 fee every month, best $12 you'll ever spend. Lisa, you're going to have a separate account, we're going to give you an allowance, you can spend that however you want. I don't care what you want to buy, you know, I don't care. You can do whatever you want with the allowance. I'm going to have an account, I'll have my little allowance. I can save it, buy Nintendo Games, I'm going to do whatever I want. Right? Saved our marriage. Took so much tension out of the room. The General Fund was never in jeopardy, and there was all sorts of freedom to manage the allowance the way we wanted to manage the allowance.
Linn Winters: 22:01 Here's another way. Come up with a discipline plan for the kids. I guarantee you, if you haven't done this, if you haven't sat down and said, here's what a big infraction is, here's a little infraction. Are we going to slap a hand? Are we going to give time out? Wait, whoa, what? I guarantee you this is a source of constant tension if you've got kids. Men, initiate this. Say, hey, let's talk about a discipline plan. Let's talk about what we're going to do, how we're going to handle it, where we are going to do it. And listen guys, look, look, look, it's more important that you come up with a plan, than it is that the plan is perfect. It's more important that you agree, and do this as a unit, than it is that you get it right the first time. If it's too strict, you can loosen up. If it's too loose, you can tighten it up. But the power of a plan, man, this is a big deal to the heart of women when their husbands engages in the home, they feel loved. And when you disengage, they feel like leftovers. And guys, here's the part I don't get, you realize men, think about this. Your biggest legacy is not going to be how far you make it at the office. It's not going to be did you ever get that trophy elk? Your biggest legacy is going to come from your home. Why would you ever be absentee from that?
Linn Winters: 23:34 It's interesting right now, my son's grown. And now one of my greatest joys is the Joshua loves Jesus, and that he found a wife who loves Jesus, and now they're raising my grandson. And every day when my son is driving home from work, he calls me on the phone, for that 20 minutes from when takes from him to go from work to get to home, my son calls every day. Now some of you are going, boy, your son must be really bored. Here's, what I like to think, I like to think that maybe a dad found a son's heart, or maybe vice versa a son found a father's heart. I don't care, but I'm going to tell you that that one call is the most important thing in my day, and it means more to me than if you called. Because as much as I've done at this church, and as many things as I've accomplished, my greatest legacy is my home. Men, why would you not engage in your home? And when you do, when you do, she receives it as love. It fills her heart.
Linn Winters: 24:52 Number two, pursue her, pursue her, pursue her. Here's the thing about this guys, when you were dating her, I guarantee you, you pursued her. You took her on dates, you bought her flowers, you spent time, you stayed up till 3:00 in the morning talking about nothing. You hang up. No, you hang up. You hang up. I just love your breathing. All of that was pursuit. But guys think, here's what happened, here's what happened. You and I caught the girl, and when we caught the girl we said, oh, the job done. Now it's time to get my education. Now I will, you ready, pursue my education. Or maybe, hey, now it's my career path, I will pursue my career path. And as we changed our pursuit, guess who we left behind. And here's the deal, guess what won her heart, your pursuit. Because here's the truth, she's like two notches better than you, the reason you got her is you wore her down by pursuing her. And she just said, man, if this man loves me like that, if he will chase me like that. Okay. But then we stopped men, and here's what she said to herself, where's the man who won me? Because he's absent now, and he's chasing other things. And guys, I'm just going to tell you, deep within the heart of the woman is a absolute love for the chase. She loves you moving toward her, it thrills her heart. And guys look, it doesn't have to be as exhausting as dating her was, it doesn't. It can just be little things. It can be writing her a note. It can be texting her in the middle of the day that just says, hey, I was thinking about you today, or I prayed for you today. And she feels the movement toward her, it's big deal.
Linn Winter: 27:12 I've got a grandson, who's two years old, his favorite game is chase. So every time Caleb comes over, grandpa has to play chase, then I have to tickle him. Right? And then you're ready, I have to do it again. Can I just be honest? I don't like chase, dumbest game ever. You know why I do chase? Because it thrills the heart of my grandson, because it lights him up.
Linn Winters: 27:58 Men, you were so stupid when we stopped chasing, you ready guys? Because it thrills her heart, she loves the pursuit. And here's the thing, she wants you to catch her a thousand times, and after you catch her a thousand times, she wants you to catch her a thousand more. It's her favorite game. So let me tell you some ways that you can chase. You guys have already heard this one? Communication. Communication. Men, this gets hard because you realize she's got way more words than you have, right? The average woman has 20,000 words a day, the average man has seven. No, no, this is true. I mean, studies have said this. Matter of fact, go in and watch preschool kids play. Little girls sit there while they're playing. Oh, how are you? Oh, I'm really good. Right? Would you like to have some tea? All there play is conversational. When boys play, what do we do? We can play for hours and never say a word. We don't have words to spare, but here's the dilemma. Ready? Women bond over words. Let me say that again men, women bond over words. And when you come home and don't have words, it feels to her like rejection. because what you're saying to her heart is, I don't have any desire to bond with you right now because I don't have any words for you right now. Guy, it's the same way you feel when you get to the end of the night and you go, hey, and she says, no, I'm too tired. That same sense of rejection is what she feels when you go I don't want any words for you, because women bond over words.
Linn Winters: 30:10 I got a pastor friend. He was having marital problems, which is tough for him because he's, you know, he's a pastor, so he has to talk about marriage, and now he's in counseling. So he goes to counseling and as he's sitting there in counseling, he says to the counselor, okay, here's the deal, I'm a pastor of a young thriving church. It's growing all the time. Everybody wants to talk to me, everybody wants to have a conversation, everybody wants counseling. I have meeting after meeting after meeting all day long. By the time I come home, I am worded out, I'm like word deficit. I'm out of words, and then my wife wants to talk, and I'm just too exhausted to talk. Would you please straighten her out? Help her to be more sympathetic to me. And before the counselor could say anything, here's what his wife said. I know, I know you spend all day talking, and I know you spend all day counseling and helping people with problems, but imagine how it makes me feel that they all rate your words and I don't. Men, women bond on words. How powerful would it be for you to say, look, I've got a limited supply of words. You know, some men only have like 100 a day. So how powerful would it be for you to say, I'm going to save some words from my wife. I'm not going to use all my words at work. I'm going to save some words from my wife. So 3:00 comes and you go...saving words from my wife, put it in a note. How powerful would it be for you to say, I'm going to save some words for my wife.
Linn Winters: 31:59 And guys, here's some other good news, it's not just words. Okay? Matter of fact, sometimes you don't even have to do a lot of talking, sometimes she just wants you to listen. Man, I got this so wrong so early in my relationship with Lisa. I'd sit there and she'd say, you know, here's what happened, and then, you know, they said, and then they said. And then I go, oh, well here's how you fix it. That's great, that was 43 seconds. Number one, solved, what's next? And she say, stop that, I don't want you to fix it, I want you to hear it. I want you to listen to how it made me feel, and what my heart is saying, I don't want it fixed. I want to be understood. And guys, sometimes the most powerful thing you do in conversation is shut up, nod your head, and listen because women bond in words.
Linn Winter: 32:53 Another one, date her, date her, date her, date her, date her, date her, date her, date her find a way to keep moving. And guys, it doesn't have to be flowers, and it doesn't have to be extravagant. It is the little note, it's the little text during the day. But let me just tell you something. So Lisa and I go out and we do marriage conferences, and we have question and answers, and we talk. Inevitably the women will say to me, or ask my wife, what's the best part of your marriage? Listen to this, men, what's the best part of your marriage? And every single time Lisa rocks back in her chair and she says, for 36 years, my husband has taken me on a date every Thursday night. And all the women go, ohhhh. Did you get that men? All the women go, ohhhh, because it says, at least once a week, my husband chases me. And it's not necessarily extravagant, and we don't go to fancy places that often, but at least once a week my husband chases me. And all the women go, ohhhh. How simple is that guys?
Linn Winter: 35:57 Alright, here we go. Last one, stepping into spiritual leadership. Now guys, look, look, look, guys, this may be the one that we struggle with the most. And here's part of the excuse that we would give. We'd go, hey, you know what? My wife is actually more spiritual than I am, she's intuitively, you know more sensitive to this. It matters more to her. She's thinks about this like five times more than I think about this. And guys guys, guys, here's the answer, she is spiritually more intuitive than you, that's how God built her, she will always be that. But there is nothing as powerful as a man who steps into spiritual leadership in his home, and the profound change that it brings when a man puts that mantle on his shoulders. She cannot replicate it, she can't. It's why she's waiting for you, and it's what God built you to do. You go Linn,I don't even know that I know that much Bible. I mean, what do I gotta do, go to seminary to be a spiritual leader? Man, how do you do this? Do you want hear the really cool part guys, you don't even have to know your Bible to step into spiritual leadership. Now eventually you're going to have to learn your Bible because your kids are going to pass you up. But to step into spiritual leadership, you don't even need to know your Bible, to step into spiritual leadership. Let me give you, real quick, three things you could do that literally would just be you stepping up and beginning to wear the mantle that God intended for you in your home.
Linn Winters: 36:37 Number one. Just decide, just decide, our family is going to church every single week. You realize we've only got 46 days left in the challenge, so what is that? That's like six weeks, so what would it mean if you just said, hey, for the next six weeks I'm going to step into spiritual leadership. And for every single week our family is going to church, because you know what? That's what the Smith family does. Because I decided as the spiritual leader of our home, we're going to church every single week. Mom's not going to drag you out of bed. Dad's going to drag out of bed because we're going to church, because we're the smiths. That decision would be spiritual leadership. Now after your kids faint because they'd never seen dad do that before. My guess is amidst all the pouting and the pooting. They'd be a little bit proud. I know she will be
Linn Winter: 36:39 Number two. In our home, you make this decision, in our home we're going to begin to treat each other the way Jesus wants us to treat each other. I'm going to treat your mom, I'm going to treat my wife, the way Jesus wants me to treat a wife. I'm going to ask my wife to treat me the way Jesus wants a wife to treat her husband. We're going to treat the kids, if you've got kids, the way God wants parents to treat kids. And we're getting you ready for this, we're going to ask our kids to treat each other, to treat their brother, to treat their sister the way Jesus would want them to treat their brother or sister. And better than that, we're going to require our kids to treat their parents with respect and honor the way that Jesus would want them to treat their parents with respect and honor. And here's the key. You ready guys? And you be the enforcer. You'd be the one that says, hey, I'm going to call the foul. Hey, wait a minute, what did you just say to your mom? And be ready to call the foul on yourself. Hey guys, I just want to say out loud, I was a little snippy with your mom just now, and that's not how Jesus wants me to be treating her. So I just want to tell you I'm sorry, because in our home, in our home, we're going to treat each other the way Jesus wants us to treat each other. And if you did that, that'd be spiritual leadership.
Linn Winters: 37:55 Last one. I'm going to challenge you for the next 46 days, that once a week, once a week, you pray with your wife. Just once a week, you pray with your wife. Now, guys, if you start doing this, don't be surprised if she prays with her eyes open because she's going to be wondering where her husband went and who you are. Okay, but once a week, once a week, you just go, hey, you know what, let's pray about our family, let's pray about what's going on, lets pray about our friends. Once a week, we're just going to spend a few minutes praying. And I know you guys are going she's such a better prayer than me. She doesn't care. It doesn't matter if you can just grunt, thank you God for being there, it's prayer. But you commit yourself, hey God, we're going to pray together once a week. And then you ready for this men? And that you would then pray for her twice a week. That'd be spiritual leadership. You want to hear a really interesting statistic. Divorce rates among Christians is all most exactly that as amongst non-Christians, it's around 50 percent. How bad a testimony is that, that you and I divorced at the same rate that people that don't know God divorce each other. I mean, that's just stupid, right? Guess what the divorce rate is amongst Christians who pray with each other every day, less than one percent. Matter of fact, it's one tenth of one percent. It's one in a thousand couples who pray together every day ever divorce. That'd be spiritual leadership wouldn't it men.
Linn Winters: 39:38 You get to decide, are you going to do one? You're going to engage in your family. You're going to do two, are you going to start chasing her? You're going to do three, are you going to step into spiritual leadership. You decide how many you're going to do, but let me read a verse for you again. In the same way husbands ought to love their wives, as their own bodies. He who loves his wife, loves himself.
Linn Winters: 40:10 Let's pray. Hey, dear Lord Jesus. I'm just praying for the men of our church, that they would take this opportunity. They would just say, you know what? I'm going to lean in. I am going to begin to love my wife, so obviously, so she'll have no doubt that she's found first place in my heart. God, I'm praying that there are men, all through this room, who at the very least, will say, I'm going to do one, I'm going to. I'm going to do one, and just see if God would move my marriage forward. I'm praying that there are men who are more excited than that. That would just go, you know, I'm in for two. I'm in for two. I just want to see my marriage just start moving at breakneck speed. I just want to see what God would do, I'm in for two. And God I'm praying there was a couple of men in this room who say all three. I'm going to be the guy that just transforms our relationship, I'm in for all three. I can't wait to see what happens when I love the girl. In this we pray in Jesus' name. Amen.
Recorded in Chandler, Arizona.
Linn Winters: 02:38 Now, if you were here two weeks ago, we had a conversation that said, one of the flaws that we have in our relationships is that we never get to highway speeds. It's like we're always doing city driving. It's like we're always starting out from the light and putting all that effort in to get our relationship moving forward, and then something happened, and someone puts on the brakes. And you're like, wait, wait, wait a minute, we were just starting to get this thing moving in the right direction, it was starting to feel like we had some momentum relationally, and then this. And so then you find yourself having to kind of pick up the pieces, and push in all over again, only get up to speed and have somebody put on the brakes again. And for some of us, marriage is exhausting because we've only done city driving in our relationships. And so we talked about some things we were going to stop doing, namely putting on the brakes, in our relationships.
Linn Winters: 03:35 And I just want to say to you that if you didn't hear that first message, this is one of those few times that I'm going to encourage you, You want to go back, you want to listen to that first conversation because it was so foundational. It was so fundamental to everything that we're now building on. If you missed it, there's a whole bunch we're going to say that's just not going to make sense. So take the time, go online, go back, take a look at that.
Linn Winters: 03:59 So things we were going to stop, today we're going to talk about how to push the accelerator. What are the things that we could begin to do that just move this relationship so far forward that we're just going, wow, this is what God intended. You mean it can be this much fun, and we can be this thrilled to be. I mean, I had no idea. Today we're going to push the accelerator, and we're going to go back to that same Ephesians five passage. This time we're going to dig a little further down into it, and here's what's gonna happen. The scripture's going to give a job description to men and say, men, here's what you do to accelerate your marriage, to get this thing going in the right. This is what you do. Next week we're going to talk to the women, and it's going to say, women if you would engage in your marriage this way, if you would respond to your man this way, it would just literally accelerate this relationship. It would just take it to a whole new place. Now, men, here's what you need to hear me say as we have the conversation today. There is nothing that we're going to say that's about beating you up. I'm just telling you that there's nothing. What we're gonna do is I'm going to give you some things, some actual tools, that you can walk out of here that are literally going to move your relationship forward. Every bit of it is intended to be helpful for you.
Linn Winters: 05:20 And then you're going to decide. You're can decide, hey, am I going to do one of the things we've talked about today? Am I going to do two of the things? You're going to decide how much you want to engage in this conversation, but at the end of the day, your engagement has the power. I'm just telling you, has the power to literally transform your relationship.
Linn Winters: 05:40 Okay, here we go. Grab your bibles. We're going to go to Ephesians chapter five again, and if you're not familiar, if you go to the back of your Bible, and then work to the left, you're going to find this book of Ephesians. Probably the most significant conversation in all of scripture about how marriage is supposed to work. Ephesians chapter five. So let me tell you what we're about to encounter. So in scripture, when scripture repeats itself, when scripture says the same thing it is scriptures way of saying, hello, this is an asterisk moment, this is a moment to put a big check mark and get this. So Jesus would do this sometimes, Jesus would say, verily, verily, which is just another way of saying truly, truly. And anytime he repeated, when he double stated like that, what he was saying was look, if you don't get the rest of the sermon, if you don't hear anything else that I say, get this, get this one thing right. And Ephesians chapter five, you ready for this? is going to say to men, here's your job description, and it's actually one thing, and it's going to repeat itself three times. Now, what does that mean to you men? The scripture would just say, look, look, look, look, if you don't get anything else right in your relationship, if you fail at every other part, you're never successful in business, you never accomplish or build that [inaudible} If you don't do anything else, get this one thing right. That's how powerful this is.
Linn Winters: 07:28 So here we go men, and I'm going to read through the passage, and I want you to watch and you'll see that literally God's going to repeat himself three times. He's going to say here's what a man needs to do to literally energize his marriage. All right, here we go. Ephesians chapter five, we're going to start in verse 21, here's what it says, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." That was two weeks ago. We said, look, we come with expectations. We're going to take our expectations. We're going to submit them to our spouse. They're going to be more important than our expectations. Few weeks ago. Verse 22, "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as unto the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife. As Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."
Linn Winters: 08:20 Now, men, here we go, you ready? Husbands. Next word. I feel like I'm at junior high camp, and all the boys are going, I don't like girls. I ain't gonna say that out loud. I had a couple of services ago, even when the men finally said love out loud, it was like, (whispers) love. So we're going to try to get ready. All right, here we go. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. To make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water, through the word. To present her to himself as a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife, loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but they feed and they care for their body, just as Christ does the church, for we are members of his body. For this reason, a man will leave his father and his mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery, but I'm talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife, as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Linn Winters: 09:50 Guys, three times, three times. God says, look, men, if you don't get anything else right, get loving her right. It's the what? It is the most critical, it's the most crucial part of your job. It is the thing that has the most capacity to change this relationship is for her to know that you love her. And some of you go Linn, of course I love her. I can't help it, that she doesn't get it. Of course I love her and I'm just telling you, I actually feel a little bit exhausted trying to let her know that I love her.
Linn Winters: 10:32 And that's why today is going to be so powerful for you. Because we're going to spend the rest of our time going through, and just practically saying, where are the places you could invest some effort that literally are home runs for her. There are places that if you did that, she would go, oh my goodness, that man loves me. And they're not that hard. You've just been peddling the wrong bike.
Linn Winters: 10:53 Okay, all right, back to the passage. There's actually some really, really powerful statements in the passage. So go back with me to verse 25. Here's what it says, "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Now the church is us. You get that right? You and I are the church, so he says to the husbands, husbands, you love your wives the way that Jesus loved us. Some of the men are thinking that story through. No, no, wait a minute the way that Jesus loved us, he ends up going to a cross. That story doesn't end real well for Jesus. Here's the good news. He's probably not asking you to die for your wife, that's probably not what he's doing. Besides the fact that there's probably only like one out of every ten wives in here who would appreciate you dying, and we're not talking to them today, okay? I'm talking to the other nine.
Linn Winters: 11:58 But think about this. Here's what Jesus did in that moment. He put your and my need above his. He placed you and me in first place. Scripture saying, men, you want to love your wife, you're going to place her in first place. Which means, you're ready for this? You can still have your career, you can still have your hobbies, you can still have your sports and you know it's all good. She just has to be more important than them. She, other than God himself, she has to have first place in your life. Because you ready for this guys, because anything that takes first place away from her is a mistress. I don't care if that's porn. I don't care if that's hanging out with your friend. Anything that takes first place from her is a mistress, and so scripture says, here's what you're going to do to love your wife, you're going to get her first place. Which means when there's a moment in time and your career is in odds or conflict with putting her first, your sports, whatever that thing is, she wins. She wins 90 percent of the time. Every once in a while with Lisa, I have to say, hey Lisa, I just have a meeting I can't get out of. But what can we do to come back and make that up? Because you're the most important thing. You're more important than the meeting, but I can't get out of the meeting, right? When it comes in conflict she wins, even as Christ loved the church.
Linn Winters: 13:37 Second phrase in here guys, and guys, don't miss this one, because this may be the best phrase on the whole thing. He said in verse Twenty Eight, here's what it says, "In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies (and ready for this) he who loves his wife, loves himself." Hear that again. He who loves his wife loves himself. Here's why, because God built her in such a way that when she begins to feel and receive love, it lights her up. She comes alive. I'm telling you, it transforms her when she knows in the deepest part that she is loved by her man. And I'm just telling you, a wife who feel that's good stuff. I'm just telling you, that's good. So much of your marriage would transform. Guys, listen to me, I guarantee you, I guarantee you, if you're right now in here and you go, Hey, our marriage is struggling a little bit. If I went to your wife, here's what I can promise she's going to say. I don't feel loved, that's my biggest issue, I don't feel loved by my husband. Because the way that God built her, this becomes her primary need, but it also becomes the most empowering moment of her life when the man loves her more. Here's what scripture says, that man, that man is really smart. Because the man who loves his wife, loves himself, because of what it does to her.
Linn Winters: 15:20 Okay? So you come back and you go, Linn well you know, so how do you do that? Because I mean, I'm trying, and I've tried to express to her and I told her that I loved her like six years ago and I still mean it. And so what do you' got to do to get this woman to understand that I love her? What is it? And so here's what I do. Thirty plus years of doing ministry, okay? And countless, countless hours of sitting in marriage counseling, and hearing women reflect this. And here's the interesting thing. Almost every one of the things that women come back and go, hey, this is why I don't feel loved, fits into one of three categories. And so guys, I'm just gonna share with you what those categories are, and then you're going to get to decide. Hey, am I going to step it up in one of those categories, am I going to like embrace two, or am I gonna do three. But here's what you need to know, men, if you just did one of the things that we're about to talk about, your marriage would move forward. If you did two, you'd be the man. You do three, I'm just telling you, man, you do three, and you're going to decide.
Linn Winters: 16:36 Here's the three categories, you ready? The three places that women almost always [inaudible], hey, I don't know that I feel loved. Ready? Engagement in the family, pursuing her, stepping up and taking spiritual leadership in the home. Three categories that women always come back to. I just don't know that I feel loved by my husband. So here's the deal, the rest of the conversation we are going to have is not going to be deeply theological. Men, it's going to be super practical. I'm literally going to give you the low hanging fruit that says, guys, here are the simple, just very doable, you could just do this, and it would transform your relationship. She would feel loved by you.
Linn Winters: 17:19 So here we go. Number one, engagement in the home. How do you do that? How do you engage in the home? Go home and talk about division of labor. Hey, who's responsible for carrying out the trash, who loads the dishwasher, who unloads the dishwasher, who takes the dry cleaning? Just division of Labor. Because guys, are you ready for this? Your willingness to step in and take your share, your responsibility, of what goes on in the home is absolutely affirming and loving to her. It just tells her, I'm vested, I'm vested, in our home and I'm willing to do that. And then once you divvy that up, men, once you say, okay, you know, here's your job, here's my job, here's your job, here's my job. You get that all done, you ready? Then do extra, do extra. Because it's that extra moment that will suddenly say to her, oh my gosh, this guy is invested.
Linn Winters: 18:21 So let me tell you how that works for me. So fairly early on in our marriage, Lisa would come to me and she'd say, "Hey
Linn, can I drive your car today?"
Linn Winters: 18:30 And I go, "Well, sure, why do you want to do that?"
Linn Winters: 18:32 "I just want to put the top down." I've got a convertible. She goes, "I just want to put the top down, it's a nice day."
Linn Winters: 18:36 I said, "Well okay, you can drive my car." So I go out and get in her car, guess what? Gas Needle. But here's the worst
part. I mean I'm so naive, that she'd come to me a couple of weeks later.
Linn Winters: 18:49 She'd go, "Hey Linn, can I drive your car today?"
Linn Winters: 18:51 I'm like, "Well, why do you want drive my car?"
Linn Winters: 18:52 "I'm going the other side of the town, it would just be fun to drive your little sports car to the other side of town."
Linn Winters: 18:56 "Oh, okay. Drive my car today."
Linn Winter: 19:02 Here's what I figured out. My wife hates putting gas in her car. Took me a couple of years. I am slower than the average bear, but I figured it out. And here's what I could've done, me you ready for this? I could have said, hey, wait a minute. In the fair division of labor, I fill my car, she should fill her car. But I realized that she hated that, and so I decided to become the gasoline secret agent. And I would sneak around, and I would go and check her car on a regular routine basis, and I go, oh, it's half full. I'd go fill it up. Here's why, you ready for this? Because every time she walks to the garage and that needle's on full, she says, that man loves me. Guys it's the power, it's the power of doing a little bit extra. When you engage with the family.
Linn Winters: 19:52 Here's another real practical way. Hey, you're going to have to come up with a financial plan, for your family, and for you just to be the guy who initiates that and says, let's sit down and talk. Let's talk through finances together. How are we going to spend? Because here's the deal, number one cause of marital strife. Anyone want to guess? Finances. And here's why, because one of you is tight, and one of you is a spender. Matter of fact, you know exactly who it is, because I saw you look at each other right now.
Linn Winters: 20:26 In our marriage, Lisa is the spender. For her, it really comes out of a spirit of generosity. She loves buying people little gifts just to say, hey, I was thinking about you, here's a gift. And she loves taking people out to eat. So we'd be sitting there at the end of the month, and the finances would be getting down really, really tight, and next thing I know here's Chili's for $92. I'm like, why? You took seven people to Chili's? Yeah, I just wanted them to know I loved them. And I go Lisa you can't do that, you can't do that. Here's how we solve it, you don't have to solve it this way, but here's how we solved it. I said, look, Lisa, I just refuse for us to be in tension about this all the time. Let's have our general account. Let's sit down, we'll agree, we'll talk it through. How aggressive are we going to be about paying, you know, paying off charge cards? What bills? Are we going to have, you know, another car payment or are we not? We'll do that together, we'll collaborate on that. And then Lisa, we're going to give you an allowance, and it's going to be a separate account. I know what some you tight wads are doing right now. You're going separate account, that's a $12 fee every month, best $12 you'll ever spend. Lisa, you're going to have a separate account, we're going to give you an allowance, you can spend that however you want. I don't care what you want to buy, you know, I don't care. You can do whatever you want with the allowance. I'm going to have an account, I'll have my little allowance. I can save it, buy Nintendo Games, I'm going to do whatever I want. Right? Saved our marriage. Took so much tension out of the room. The General Fund was never in jeopardy, and there was all sorts of freedom to manage the allowance the way we wanted to manage the allowance.
Linn Winters: 22:01 Here's another way. Come up with a discipline plan for the kids. I guarantee you, if you haven't done this, if you haven't sat down and said, here's what a big infraction is, here's a little infraction. Are we going to slap a hand? Are we going to give time out? Wait, whoa, what? I guarantee you this is a source of constant tension if you've got kids. Men, initiate this. Say, hey, let's talk about a discipline plan. Let's talk about what we're going to do, how we're going to handle it, where we are going to do it. And listen guys, look, look, look, it's more important that you come up with a plan, than it is that the plan is perfect. It's more important that you agree, and do this as a unit, than it is that you get it right the first time. If it's too strict, you can loosen up. If it's too loose, you can tighten it up. But the power of a plan, man, this is a big deal to the heart of women when their husbands engages in the home, they feel loved. And when you disengage, they feel like leftovers. And guys, here's the part I don't get, you realize men, think about this. Your biggest legacy is not going to be how far you make it at the office. It's not going to be did you ever get that trophy elk? Your biggest legacy is going to come from your home. Why would you ever be absentee from that?
Linn Winters: 23:34 It's interesting right now, my son's grown. And now one of my greatest joys is the Joshua loves Jesus, and that he found a wife who loves Jesus, and now they're raising my grandson. And every day when my son is driving home from work, he calls me on the phone, for that 20 minutes from when takes from him to go from work to get to home, my son calls every day. Now some of you are going, boy, your son must be really bored. Here's, what I like to think, I like to think that maybe a dad found a son's heart, or maybe vice versa a son found a father's heart. I don't care, but I'm going to tell you that that one call is the most important thing in my day, and it means more to me than if you called. Because as much as I've done at this church, and as many things as I've accomplished, my greatest legacy is my home. Men, why would you not engage in your home? And when you do, when you do, she receives it as love. It fills her heart.
Linn Winters: 24:52 Number two, pursue her, pursue her, pursue her. Here's the thing about this guys, when you were dating her, I guarantee you, you pursued her. You took her on dates, you bought her flowers, you spent time, you stayed up till 3:00 in the morning talking about nothing. You hang up. No, you hang up. You hang up. I just love your breathing. All of that was pursuit. But guys think, here's what happened, here's what happened. You and I caught the girl, and when we caught the girl we said, oh, the job done. Now it's time to get my education. Now I will, you ready, pursue my education. Or maybe, hey, now it's my career path, I will pursue my career path. And as we changed our pursuit, guess who we left behind. And here's the deal, guess what won her heart, your pursuit. Because here's the truth, she's like two notches better than you, the reason you got her is you wore her down by pursuing her. And she just said, man, if this man loves me like that, if he will chase me like that. Okay. But then we stopped men, and here's what she said to herself, where's the man who won me? Because he's absent now, and he's chasing other things. And guys, I'm just going to tell you, deep within the heart of the woman is a absolute love for the chase. She loves you moving toward her, it thrills her heart. And guys look, it doesn't have to be as exhausting as dating her was, it doesn't. It can just be little things. It can be writing her a note. It can be texting her in the middle of the day that just says, hey, I was thinking about you today, or I prayed for you today. And she feels the movement toward her, it's big deal.
Linn Winter: 27:12 I've got a grandson, who's two years old, his favorite game is chase. So every time Caleb comes over, grandpa has to play chase, then I have to tickle him. Right? And then you're ready, I have to do it again. Can I just be honest? I don't like chase, dumbest game ever. You know why I do chase? Because it thrills the heart of my grandson, because it lights him up.
Linn Winters: 27:58 Men, you were so stupid when we stopped chasing, you ready guys? Because it thrills her heart, she loves the pursuit. And here's the thing, she wants you to catch her a thousand times, and after you catch her a thousand times, she wants you to catch her a thousand more. It's her favorite game. So let me tell you some ways that you can chase. You guys have already heard this one? Communication. Communication. Men, this gets hard because you realize she's got way more words than you have, right? The average woman has 20,000 words a day, the average man has seven. No, no, this is true. I mean, studies have said this. Matter of fact, go in and watch preschool kids play. Little girls sit there while they're playing. Oh, how are you? Oh, I'm really good. Right? Would you like to have some tea? All there play is conversational. When boys play, what do we do? We can play for hours and never say a word. We don't have words to spare, but here's the dilemma. Ready? Women bond over words. Let me say that again men, women bond over words. And when you come home and don't have words, it feels to her like rejection. because what you're saying to her heart is, I don't have any desire to bond with you right now because I don't have any words for you right now. Guy, it's the same way you feel when you get to the end of the night and you go, hey, and she says, no, I'm too tired. That same sense of rejection is what she feels when you go I don't want any words for you, because women bond over words.
Linn Winters: 30:10 I got a pastor friend. He was having marital problems, which is tough for him because he's, you know, he's a pastor, so he has to talk about marriage, and now he's in counseling. So he goes to counseling and as he's sitting there in counseling, he says to the counselor, okay, here's the deal, I'm a pastor of a young thriving church. It's growing all the time. Everybody wants to talk to me, everybody wants to have a conversation, everybody wants counseling. I have meeting after meeting after meeting all day long. By the time I come home, I am worded out, I'm like word deficit. I'm out of words, and then my wife wants to talk, and I'm just too exhausted to talk. Would you please straighten her out? Help her to be more sympathetic to me. And before the counselor could say anything, here's what his wife said. I know, I know you spend all day talking, and I know you spend all day counseling and helping people with problems, but imagine how it makes me feel that they all rate your words and I don't. Men, women bond on words. How powerful would it be for you to say, look, I've got a limited supply of words. You know, some men only have like 100 a day. So how powerful would it be for you to say, I'm going to save some words from my wife. I'm not going to use all my words at work. I'm going to save some words from my wife. So 3:00 comes and you go...saving words from my wife, put it in a note. How powerful would it be for you to say, I'm going to save some words for my wife.
Linn Winters: 31:59 And guys, here's some other good news, it's not just words. Okay? Matter of fact, sometimes you don't even have to do a lot of talking, sometimes she just wants you to listen. Man, I got this so wrong so early in my relationship with Lisa. I'd sit there and she'd say, you know, here's what happened, and then, you know, they said, and then they said. And then I go, oh, well here's how you fix it. That's great, that was 43 seconds. Number one, solved, what's next? And she say, stop that, I don't want you to fix it, I want you to hear it. I want you to listen to how it made me feel, and what my heart is saying, I don't want it fixed. I want to be understood. And guys, sometimes the most powerful thing you do in conversation is shut up, nod your head, and listen because women bond in words.
Linn Winter: 32:53 Another one, date her, date her, date her, date her, date her, date her, date her, date her find a way to keep moving. And guys, it doesn't have to be flowers, and it doesn't have to be extravagant. It is the little note, it's the little text during the day. But let me just tell you something. So Lisa and I go out and we do marriage conferences, and we have question and answers, and we talk. Inevitably the women will say to me, or ask my wife, what's the best part of your marriage? Listen to this, men, what's the best part of your marriage? And every single time Lisa rocks back in her chair and she says, for 36 years, my husband has taken me on a date every Thursday night. And all the women go, ohhhh. Did you get that men? All the women go, ohhhh, because it says, at least once a week, my husband chases me. And it's not necessarily extravagant, and we don't go to fancy places that often, but at least once a week my husband chases me. And all the women go, ohhhh. How simple is that guys?
Linn Winter: 35:57 Alright, here we go. Last one, stepping into spiritual leadership. Now guys, look, look, look, guys, this may be the one that we struggle with the most. And here's part of the excuse that we would give. We'd go, hey, you know what? My wife is actually more spiritual than I am, she's intuitively, you know more sensitive to this. It matters more to her. She's thinks about this like five times more than I think about this. And guys guys, guys, here's the answer, she is spiritually more intuitive than you, that's how God built her, she will always be that. But there is nothing as powerful as a man who steps into spiritual leadership in his home, and the profound change that it brings when a man puts that mantle on his shoulders. She cannot replicate it, she can't. It's why she's waiting for you, and it's what God built you to do. You go Linn,I don't even know that I know that much Bible. I mean, what do I gotta do, go to seminary to be a spiritual leader? Man, how do you do this? Do you want hear the really cool part guys, you don't even have to know your Bible to step into spiritual leadership. Now eventually you're going to have to learn your Bible because your kids are going to pass you up. But to step into spiritual leadership, you don't even need to know your Bible, to step into spiritual leadership. Let me give you, real quick, three things you could do that literally would just be you stepping up and beginning to wear the mantle that God intended for you in your home.
Linn Winters: 36:37 Number one. Just decide, just decide, our family is going to church every single week. You realize we've only got 46 days left in the challenge, so what is that? That's like six weeks, so what would it mean if you just said, hey, for the next six weeks I'm going to step into spiritual leadership. And for every single week our family is going to church, because you know what? That's what the Smith family does. Because I decided as the spiritual leader of our home, we're going to church every single week. Mom's not going to drag you out of bed. Dad's going to drag out of bed because we're going to church, because we're the smiths. That decision would be spiritual leadership. Now after your kids faint because they'd never seen dad do that before. My guess is amidst all the pouting and the pooting. They'd be a little bit proud. I know she will be
Linn Winter: 36:39 Number two. In our home, you make this decision, in our home we're going to begin to treat each other the way Jesus wants us to treat each other. I'm going to treat your mom, I'm going to treat my wife, the way Jesus wants me to treat a wife. I'm going to ask my wife to treat me the way Jesus wants a wife to treat her husband. We're going to treat the kids, if you've got kids, the way God wants parents to treat kids. And we're getting you ready for this, we're going to ask our kids to treat each other, to treat their brother, to treat their sister the way Jesus would want them to treat their brother or sister. And better than that, we're going to require our kids to treat their parents with respect and honor the way that Jesus would want them to treat their parents with respect and honor. And here's the key. You ready guys? And you be the enforcer. You'd be the one that says, hey, I'm going to call the foul. Hey, wait a minute, what did you just say to your mom? And be ready to call the foul on yourself. Hey guys, I just want to say out loud, I was a little snippy with your mom just now, and that's not how Jesus wants me to be treating her. So I just want to tell you I'm sorry, because in our home, in our home, we're going to treat each other the way Jesus wants us to treat each other. And if you did that, that'd be spiritual leadership.
Linn Winters: 37:55 Last one. I'm going to challenge you for the next 46 days, that once a week, once a week, you pray with your wife. Just once a week, you pray with your wife. Now, guys, if you start doing this, don't be surprised if she prays with her eyes open because she's going to be wondering where her husband went and who you are. Okay, but once a week, once a week, you just go, hey, you know what, let's pray about our family, let's pray about what's going on, lets pray about our friends. Once a week, we're just going to spend a few minutes praying. And I know you guys are going she's such a better prayer than me. She doesn't care. It doesn't matter if you can just grunt, thank you God for being there, it's prayer. But you commit yourself, hey God, we're going to pray together once a week. And then you ready for this men? And that you would then pray for her twice a week. That'd be spiritual leadership. You want to hear a really interesting statistic. Divorce rates among Christians is all most exactly that as amongst non-Christians, it's around 50 percent. How bad a testimony is that, that you and I divorced at the same rate that people that don't know God divorce each other. I mean, that's just stupid, right? Guess what the divorce rate is amongst Christians who pray with each other every day, less than one percent. Matter of fact, it's one tenth of one percent. It's one in a thousand couples who pray together every day ever divorce. That'd be spiritual leadership wouldn't it men.
Linn Winters: 39:38 You get to decide, are you going to do one? You're going to engage in your family. You're going to do two, are you going to start chasing her? You're going to do three, are you going to step into spiritual leadership. You decide how many you're going to do, but let me read a verse for you again. In the same way husbands ought to love their wives, as their own bodies. He who loves his wife, loves himself.
Linn Winters: 40:10 Let's pray. Hey, dear Lord Jesus. I'm just praying for the men of our church, that they would take this opportunity. They would just say, you know what? I'm going to lean in. I am going to begin to love my wife, so obviously, so she'll have no doubt that she's found first place in my heart. God, I'm praying that there are men, all through this room, who at the very least, will say, I'm going to do one, I'm going to. I'm going to do one, and just see if God would move my marriage forward. I'm praying that there are men who are more excited than that. That would just go, you know, I'm in for two. I'm in for two. I just want to see my marriage just start moving at breakneck speed. I just want to see what God would do, I'm in for two. And God I'm praying there was a couple of men in this room who say all three. I'm going to be the guy that just transforms our relationship, I'm in for all three. I can't wait to see what happens when I love the girl. In this we pray in Jesus' name. Amen.
Recorded in Chandler, Arizona.
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